20+ Casino Quotes! ideas in 2020 casino quotes, casino ...

What are some funny sayings/one liners to say while at the casino?

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I recently caught up to Gintama, and I think you should make it your 2021 goal to at least start it. Here's why I think that.

I know we've all seen Gintama floating around on the internet so often. People saying "watch Gintama!" and posting funny clips of the show all over reddit. I want to take a slightly different approach as to why I loved the show so much. Most of the time you hear, "it's really funny! best comedy!" with the additional "the serious moments are so good!" but I want to share my thoughts on why both aspects of it are so good, and why they work so well together. This post will not contain any major or specific spoilers.
So to start things off, how is the comedy in Gintama? I will warn you ahead of time, Gintama is not afraid to be vulgar. If you're turned off by jokes about private parts and poop, it's not the central focus of the humor but there is a lot of inappropriate humor. There is also a ton of pop culture references, by which I mean one episode may reference about 20 different things. Sometimes there will be entire mini-arcs (3 episodes) dedicated to one parody, something like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure or Dragon Quest. There is also a ton of meta humor. They are not afraid to break the fourth wall, talk about the production of the show, voice actors, filler episodes, etc.
Do you need to understand all the references to enjoy it? I would say it certainly helps if you have a somewhat strong grasp on Japanese culture, popular game and anime franchises, etc, but it's not mandatory. I've seen people go back and forth on this point, and while having a comprehensive knowledge of everything in Japanese media and growing up in Japan will definitely help the enjoyment, I found that with my limited knowledge it was still very fun. Even if I didn't get a reference it was still a silly moment for me, regardless if I knew who they were talking about or not. Plus, if you really want to, you can look up the references later to have an "a ha!" moment and learn more about the pop culture scene.
All of the characters are unique and enjoyable! Everyone has their own personality and their own dynamic with each other. You have the lazy yet (usually) dependable Gintoki, the straight man Shinpachi who's the butt of a lot of jokes, the vulgar overconfident Kagura, the leader of the rebels who is serious to a fault even in ridiculous situations Katsura, I could go on and on. Every character has their own vibe, their own appeal, their own dynamic with other characters, and their own running gags. Every time you see one of them on screen you know what to expect and it always delivers in a satisfying way, to the point where sometimes you'll see two characters interact and you're like, "oh man how will they interact?" It's really fun!
So, comedy aside, what is the plot of the show? The show takes place in Edo, specifically Kabukichō which is an entertainment and red-light district of Shinjuku in real Japan. There are host and hostess clubs, shops, nightclubs, restaurants, casinos, you name it. Aliens known as Amanto attacked Japan and took over, starting the sword ban. Samurai are far and few between and those who remain get by however they can. Enter the main character, Gintoki. A samurai who fought in the war against the invading Amanto, he still carries a wooden sword around and runs a business called Odd Jobs where he'll take on any task, from finding a kitten to stopping an invasion.
It's a very simple premise but it builds up and pays off in great ways. The more serious aspects of the plot come from leftovers of the war, rebels that defy the current government, the police force (Shinsengumi) trying to keep order, and some darker shadows behind the scenes, the truth of the Amanto, and the teacher that raised Gintoki and a few other of the main characters. It leads to some really serious and oftentimes depressing moments in the series.
So, how good are the serious portions? The action portions of the show are a little scarce early on. There's definitely a heavier focus on the comedy. At episode 58 you get your first taste of the true action and plot of the series (yes, I know, that's quite a ways in). From there, there are more mini arcs of about 3-6 episodes each that cover some much more serious topics and push the main plot along and introduce new characters and concepts. There's some really hard hitting backstories for some of the characters as well, often in ways you wouldn't expect. It makes each character feel a bit more real. The choreography, music, and voice acting are all top notch.
How do the comedy and more serious topics blend? This is the main point of my post that I want to make, and I thank you for reading this far. The serious moments really let you see the characters in a more serious light (duh), while the comedy segments let you see them in moments of peace. They're allowed to laugh, have fun, do stupid shit, but when shit hits the fan it often feels like they need to power through it to see those peaceful moments again. The show doesn't make a big point of this, but it's definitely the factor that pulled me in. You wanna see our goofy main trio get past this terrifying moment and be able to joke around again. You want to see the side characters persevere and overcome the odds so they can see tomorrow and laugh along with the rest of the cast. You get invested in the characters during the funny moments, so the serious moments have a stronger impact.
The action and serious scenes are also littered with silly moments or one-liners that make the fights or moments feel more natural. Like Gintoki will drop a one-liner or do something dumb during a serious moment and it's like "yeah that seems about right." He'll make fun of an opponent's name, complain about getting hurt, yelling at the bad guy for overreacting, make dirty distractions to get away, etc. But it always comes back to a satisfying conclusion. The comedy and the action flow seamlessly. A perfect example would be this moment where he fails to make a serious entrance. There's also this story about a dog who was abandoned by his owner. I feel those are my two favorite examples of blending serious with comedy.
Later in the series, especially the last few arcs, the comedy takes a backseat for a much more serious plot. It really makes the stakes feel high and every character feels like a part of this world. It's super well done and I won't say more than that.
Have you been convinced to check out Gintama? It's definitely a long series to get into, but it's absolutely worth it. Try sticking to one episode a day or every few days and you'll always have something to look forward to. Just make sure to skip the first two episodes because they were made as a celebration of the manga getting an anime adaptation, and it expects you to know all the characters (and also just isn't that great). Episode 3 is the proper "episode 1" of the series and begins with the characters meeting for the first time.
Don't think of it as some colossal hurdle to complete, focus on the journey not the destination. Enjoy your ride through the crazy, hilarious, fun, and heartbreaking world of Gintama and I hope you all end up enjoying it! There's definitely a reason that everyone who's seen it regards it so well and now I can confidently say I do too. I'm really excited for the final movie!
Edit: I also want to add that all of Gintama (aside from specials and OVAs) is on Crunchyroll!
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WallstreetBets Saved My Life

Do you understand that you are the ringleaders in some sort of psychotic financial underground fight club ?
This year has been outrageous and retarded at the same time and somehow. Because all of us morons got together on here - we made money during something awful.
During The worst thing we’ve ever imagined.
Have you seen the movie, Contagion?? Dude that’s a walk in the park compared to the real world right now. It’s expected to report as a ThrilleHorror. - but missed my estimates for a weak drama.
This post represents how god damn retarded we all are- and at the same time, it shows us how fucking beautiful we all are.
Wallstreetbets, was all we had this year.
and WE FUCKING CRUSHED IT.
How many stocks were we right about? That Jim Cramer told us not to Buy. But because the memes were so Funny. We bought low and got to sell waaaay high
Electric vehicles anyone?
Yea then when the stocks we keep defending sky rocket to the moon and we use the power of the autist army DD - months later Cramer tells us he likes wallstreetbets.
Yea you do jimmy
So do I . Hahahahahaha
Life is a video game
I made enough money trading on my cell phone to pay for my entire education - not need a job while I put myself thru school YOLO’ing way too much money into meme stocks for shits and giggles and waking up to 100%+ returns ON MY ENTIRE SAVINGS MULTIPLE WEEKS IN A ROW.
And I’m not alone
I hope everyone here gets to experience the power of holding a stock when Jim Cramer tells you it’s not any good. Then it goes up 1000%+.
If you thought you ever doubted anything you read, imagine making 690% returns on $XPEV in October when JiMMy BoY Told us that NoThiNG cOULd EvEr Do WhAt niO DiD AgAin.
SIT DOWN : XPEV NIO TSLA TWTR SNAP PINS And ; FB was $30 too - 10 years ago . Social media digital marketing explosion in your face.
I feel like the Incredible Hulk right now.
  1. The biggest fucking train wreck disaster we’ve ever seen. But us retards pulled thru it. Some of us changed our fucking lives forever.
Like me.
Because of this stupid forum and all of you idiots- my life has been changed forever
I fucking love you guys so much
Thru all of this bullshit I racked up over $40k profits this year.
How the fuck does that happen I only had $8k to my name. What the f.. Idk what I’m doing. and now, PETER SCHIFF FOLLOWS ME ON INSTAGRAM.
right place at the right time. Here’s my story:
I found you idiots at the beginning of this pandemic.
Feb 2020 I was, Depressed, Scared, Bored Angry Everything. I had Lost my job. I was deemed non-essential.
I couldn’t get unemployment but got $1200 in mail. That helps for sure. Like think about this ok:
$8k + $1200 = ?% ... you know ? He added more than 10% to my net worth. Right? Legit increase. So thank you for that bro. Talk shit on it all ya want but that’s a legit percent increase from D, lol.
That allowed me to over leverage way more than I was used to.
I stumble onto this Shitshow of a Reddit called wallstreetbets. where everyone is insulting each other. And it’s hilarious.
In March, of 2020: I start trading options and really ramping up my risk. I’m in and out of $AAPL calls every 2-3 days making $300-700 per week trading which is fucking awesome for me. Sometimes over a thousand bucks a week
For 20 weeks roughly. Simple math and smart trading.
Sort of. I think
It’s a version of Buffett’s compounding interest. Make $1k per week for 25 weeks =
Make $25k
Simple. Easy
Now I’m smarts as Waeren BuFét .
I don’t have any way to make money buttttt now I’m deemed not essential as a medical device salesman.
Trading is paying my bills. My friends are interested.
I keep throwing in 100%+ of my account into trades. So stupid.
And by May, 2020 = It KEEPS WORKING. And we are all encouraging each other like maniacs on here lol.
By June = I’m up $20,000 on the year.
And guys I don’t care what you say. I know it is a small profit, compared to some of the madness on here but... To me. It’s a lot of money.
Percentage-wise I’m up wayyyyy beyond normal
A whole lot of money and - I have no clue any other way to make money.
I made $18k total money, in 2019. And lost a little money in the stock market.
and then 2020 pandemic was the nail in my sales business’ coffin.
And I’m poor as Dick when the pandemic hit. My savings, I had about $8k left. . I’ve never had too much money but I work hard.
And at this point all I can think is that I know I cannot give up
And trust me I wanted to give up. In February and March I thought I’d become one of these suicides because I became so depressed about the virus and my wife was becoming sick. She was diagnosed with lupus and man I didn’t know how hard life could be. I would never leave her side so I push forward for us. Let’s do this
Time to fight the boss.
I had never been tested like this with so much hardships.
You know you hear stories about people who have very bad struggles, and never think you’ll be like that, because you work hard, but sometimes - a pandemic crushes your income to $00.00 The gov won’t pay you anything and your wife is deemed terminally ill. And then all of her hair falls out
But despite all of this, By May of 2020: I’d already made my 2019 salary in few months. I don’t fully understand what is happening but I keep reading. I Keep studying at nights. Understanding stocks further. I Keep reading WSB. It is working. I’m able to pay my bills and rent and eat And put gas in my car And get coffee in the morning. Something I’d never had spare cash to do really, multiple months in a row now from trading- I’m able to live better than ever.
But I’m up all night studying I’m chomping adderall to push thru the shit because in my mind I couldn’t go to bed yet I need to learn I need to take this opportunity.
I’d think to myself, “This is never going to happen again,” So I’d rationalize staying up till 4:30am to catch pre-market opening bell and buy 1000 shares pre-market and then exit them at 9am. Trade options till 3pm then crash hard because it’s earnings day and you can’t miss this Shit. legitimate degeneracy.
I’m not starving because I’m a trader?
“Ok push forward,” I tell myself. “You can do this.”
STAYING MOTIVATED THRU THE DARKNESS. my gains were steady until the end of the summer when my portfolio Doubled bc of Instagram .
I thought I had made all the money in the world. Over 100% gains. Little did I know i was about to 100% the 100%
The most incredible thing happened,
Randomly, one day I smoke a fat fat joint and put in like 2 hours making a meme video for you tardos because I’m so high... I’ve never done it before. My first meme video is born
When I post the video on my Instagram, I tag Peter Schiff , Peter Schiff’s wife shouts me out - and Peter shouts me out.
And I’m eating dinner with my wife. And I see that notification.
“Peter Schiff has followed you”
I look at my girl like waaaaaait a second. Read that to me......... Then my phone... I’ve never seen it come to life Like this. HAS ANYONE EXPERIENCE THIS BEFORE? Peter and his wife shout me out on Instagram, and the wave of followers that came to my page was UNREAL.
Turns out - Peter and his wife are legit 2 of the coolest people on planet earth.
And they are both part of my 23 followers.
Lol Whaaaaaaaaaat.
He was on Joe Rogan guys. What.
(I have had this account for years and am posting constantly on it with ZERO interaction. Maybe 1-3 like per post. Posting 10x per week. Why tf do I need a personal Instagram? - let’s talk stocks b).
“Whaaaaaat is happening!?!?”
I decide to go big. If fuckin Schiff is into what I’m saying. LETS FUCKIN GO.
I walk into the wallstreet casino (market open) In early July 2020 -
I put everything on fuckn $SLV boyz.
I had about 40 contracts and over 500 shares
(Once again, I know this position sounds small, but understand me- This is all the money I have. So it was a true god damn yolo in the Purest of its many forms. I’m so mother fuckin proud of this trade. It changed my life forever).
By the end of July I’ve almost doubled my money. By late Aug early September 2020 You saw what happened to silver.
Rockets to the moon then crashes back to earth
I had made the perfect trade
I bought a pair of silver AirMax 97’s the day I sold my position. To celebrate bc it was so unreal to me to make that kind of money so fast.
I was up up +$40k on the year. $SLV was at $28.50 the day I decided to sell
I Bounce. I sell it all. Instead of diamond hands. I spin a total 180 on my silver theories about it going to $50/oz and I sell everything and take all of my profits. I got a bad feeling. I started reading about JP Morgan. And then the ultimate red flag
The slimy reptiles on tv began saying silver is good.
Annnnnd I was like NOPE CANT LISTEN TO LIZARDS EVER EVEN IF THEY AGREE WITH YOU
and I exited the entire position HAHAHAHA while people told me if I hold till December Ill make $150k. OKAY how’s that working out ?
Because silver can’t fail - and it’s definitely going to $50/oz; by December. Because the COMEX. Bla bla bla. Manipulation move on. Only hold physical. Period.
Anyway
I don’t care what they say. This profit I made. is WAY MORE MONEY than I’m used to.
$40k total profit and the year isn’t over - I take it
I sell all my $SLV positions.
In the following days after I sell- $SLV absolutely collapses from $29 to $22
Are. You. Kidding. Me.
I can’t believe it. I did the yolo. Again It worked. And I fucking sold at the right time.
I decide that’s enough. I’m gonna use this to pay for an education to work in surgical technology. I apply and I’m number 6 on the waiting list to get into class. But they say that it’s possible. So I wait. ... maybe I can really pull off the greatest thing I’ve ever done and get my shit back together.
Dr. Jordan Peterson taught us to choose the best thing we can think of- how we can help People. Also, choose a job that is one you can be good at.
Then shoot for that. That’s the goal. Thanks doc
I get a call on oct 17th from the school.
Oct 17. Is Eminem’s birthday.
I started school 2 days later.
I know some will make fun of this career, but... it’s essential. Pay is awesome for me. I like to work with my hands. this is an excellent, “trade-based,” Job for me- Because I will be good at it and make money.
Pandemic made me change my attitude towards work. No man is above a job and if you have a trade you can work with your hands - then you will always have income. As long as you have hands.
And if you have income, you can trade like a retard forever.
If you can trade, you can make $40k on your cell phone without a job in a pandemic.
Stand up, and scream at the top of your lungs if you feel me on this.
Is anyone even reading this shit anymore?
Seriously. If you understand what I’m saying, aka-
If you were fucking BROKE and you made more money, in 2020 somehow, than you ever have in your life-
You are a fucking legend. And so am I.
WE WERE BUILT FOR THIS SHIT.
So, I drop $25k for school. I swap $15k of my profits into physical silver bc of taxes are good. I swap the physical silver for cash, to eat when I’m hungry and live on when I need to now.
And my physical silver I got at $25/oz is worth over $30/oz today. . And I still have my original $8k in investments , which I’ve (to date) turned into about +$18,500 literally, by just trading whatever is trending on an app called Stocktwits.
Then searching WallStreet bets for The ticker and see if You retards are talking about it yet or not.
Huge W
I finish school on 09.09.2021 I will have a job that day and income
All of this happened because of WallStreetBets.
Things were so dark. So bad. No future. No prospects at all in business but bros...
I was fucking trading. Like a complete fucking idiot
And making money. And I still can’t believe it. I cannot believe this happened.
PULLED UP TO THE PARTY IN A PINTO LIKE IT WAS A PORSCHE
and I can’t believe I made all this money following this sTupid ass Reddit website and 100% autistic, over-leveraged, retarded meme trading the entire year.
Huge Respect to WSB. This place was the light at the end of a dark tunnel.
Seriously. Thank you so much. All of you.
You saved my life.
What a fuckin trip. We are immortalized. We made history in 2020.
Merry Christmas Retards
~edit • • • • •
• • • •
My wife is much better (her hair grew back) and I’m having a baby boy this March.
I’ll be working as an essential surgical technologist by the fall of 2021.
I’m an idiot and a pussy I only will put $100 at risk in any trade - and I don’t can’t what anyone says about that. because my life is forever changed for the better, because of this forum
Now ...
The shitshow is not over.
2020 was a springboard for some shiiiiit 2021 we are coming into a commodity boom I think.
Get ready for 100x more Madness
TL:DR - $IPOC 19 FEB 2021 $15C
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Stokes's Bristol Nightclub incident in detail (From: The Comeback Summer by Geoff Lemon)

IF YOU’RE LOOKING for a place where misadventure could begin, you can’t go past Mbargo. The nightclub’s streetfront is painted a purple so bright you’ll see it in your dreams. Strings of giant sequins shimmer in the breeze. Its phonically inventive name is spelt in silver letters that climb its three-storey terrace facade. Inside are strips of burning neon, a few booths, floorboards so marinated in drink that they have an ingredients list. Bristol is a student city on England’s south coast crowded with music and nightlife and street art. This is Banksy’s home town, and the tourism board suggests in rather strong terms that ‘you would be a fool not to see his amazing work firsthand’. The same organisation describes Mbargo as ‘intimate’, which is fair for a place where you can catch an STI standing up. Students cram into its modest dimensions while people with names like DJ Klaud battle for billing with £1.50 drink deals over seven sloppy nights a week. To get a sense of the story about to come, consider that it’s the kind of place open until two o’clock on a Monday morning, and that at two o’clock on a Monday morning, Ben Stokes still thought it had closed too early.
The Ashes of 2017–18 had disciplinary bookends. It was after that series that Australia’s two leaders went off the rails in South Africa. It was a few weeks before that Ashes tour that England’s biggest star windmilled his way into his own disaster.
In the early hours of 25 September 2017, Stokes and teammate Alex Hales were barred from re-entering Mbargo after a night out on the piss. A Sunday thrashing of an abject West Indies in an ignored series at the fag-end of the season apparently required ample celebration. After arguing with the bouncer and hanging about at the door for a while, they wandered off to find a casino in the hope of more drinking. They’d barely made it around the corner before getting in the middle of a conflict between four locals. As is said on the internet, it escalated quickly.
The 26 September reporting was bloodless. Withholding names, police stated that a man ‘was arrested on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm’ while another went to hospital with facial injuries. England’s director of cricket Andrew Strauss separately confirmed that Stokes was the arrestee, adding that he had been released without charge and that Hales had gamely offered to ‘help police with their enquiries’. Administrators had a good chance of hiding behind that investigation, and the next day Stokes was named in the upcoming Ashes squad as expected. But that night the video emerged.
Bristol student Max Wilson had shot it on his phone, then offered it to The Sun. What he thought was playing hardball was actually lowball: his opening price of £3000 was snapped up by a tabloid that would have paid ten times that. The Sun went on to make a mint by syndicating the rights worldwide. From a window above the fray, the vision showed six men on the street below performing the muddled choreography of a melee. One was right at the centre of it. One was waving a bottle, one dipped in and out, one tried to calm it. Two others floated around the edges. The central figure was unmistakable: red hair burning even in the streetlight as he launched into a series of blows against two of the men, falling to grapple with them on the ground, then following both across the street, swinging punches the whole way. Hales trailed behind, repeatedly and impotently shouting ‘Stokes! Stop! Stokes! Enough!’ The ECB could fudge issues that existed only in thickets of legalese, but not those captured in moving colour. Stokes was stood down from the next West Indies match, then suspended indefinitely. It emerged that he had broken his hand during the fight, something he’d done twice before while punching objects in dressing rooms.
The response in Australia was fierce: Stokes was a thug, a lowlife, a selection that would disgrace England. It was not entirely coincidental that a ban for England’s best player would be handy for the Aussie team, but there was also a cultural split. In England, plenty of people still minimise pub fights as lads letting off steam. In Australia, heavy media coverage as a succession of young men were killed had inverted that tolerance. The discourse now saw any punch as potentially deadly and accordingly reckless. This was more poignant in a cricket context given that David Hookes, the dashing Test batsman and state coach, was killed in 2004 by a pub bouncer’s fist.
The PR situation was bad for Stokes as details emerged of the injuries to the men he’d hit, and that one was a young war veteran and father. Stokes wasn’t officially removed from the Ashes squad through October but stayed behind when his teammates left, hoping for police to dismiss the matter in time for a late dash to Australia. His annual contract was renewed on the due date in case that came to pass. Then 29 October brought a twist in the tale.
‘Ben Stokes praised by gay couple after defending them from homophobic thugs,’ ran the headline. Kai Barry and Billy O’Connell had emerged. Not entirely out of nowhere: while Stokes had made no public comment, this story in his defence had initially been leaked to TV host Piers Morgan after the fight, as soon as the video appeared. Police body-camera footage played in court would later show that Stokes had given the same story to the arresting officer on the night. But no-one knew the identities of the fifth and sixth men in the video, and police appeals had turned up nothing.
It was The Sun again with the breakthrough. Kai and Billy were perfect for a readership not keen on nuance. ‘We couldn’t believe it when we found out they were famous cricketers. I just thought Ben and Alex were quite hot, fit guys,’ said Kai, who was memorably described as a ‘former House of Fraser sales assistant’. The paper had the pair do a full photo shoot: layering the fake tan, showing off chest waxes, mixing Ralph Lauren and Louis Vuitton into a range of outfits. Their best shot had them standing back to back, heads turned to the camera, in a mirror-image Zoolander moment.
Suddenly The Sun was the England team’s best friend. ‘Their claims could lead to the all-rounder being cleared over the punch-up and freed to play in the First Test in Australia next month,’ it gushed, then gave a tasting platter of quotes: ‘We were so grateful to Ben for stepping in to help. He was a real hero.’ ‘If Ben hadn’t intervened it could have been a lot worse for us.’ ‘We could’ve been in real trouble. Ben was a real gentleman.’ Would it be known forever as Kai and Billy’s Ashes? No. While the Bristol boys provided spin for Stokes’ reputation they didn’t influence the police. With charges still pending there was little choice – not given Strauss had previously sacked Kevin Pietersen for being annoying. Stokes remained suspended through the Ashes and a one-day series in Australia, and lost the vice-captaincy. It was January 2018 before the Crown Prosecution Service laid a charge.
That charge surprisingly came in as affray, a crime that can carry prison time but is classified as ‘a breach of the peace as a result of disorderly conduct’. The men he had punched, Ryan Ali and Ryan Hale, faced the same count, charged as equal participants in a fight rather than Stokes being charged with assaulting them. Alex Hales was not charged, despite being seen in the video to aim several kicks when Ryan Ali was lying on the ground. Given the underwhelming standing of the offence, Stokes was cleared by the ECB to tour New Zealand, and kept playing until his trial in August 2018, which he missed a Test to attend. None of the three defendants would be convicted.
The reasoning behind the charges was never released and was attributed vaguely to ‘CPS lawyers’. The service gave the case to Alison Morgan, a prosecutor of a class known as Treasury Counsel who usually handle serious criminal matters. Morgan had a scheduling clash and never ended up court for the case, but in 2018 and 2019 she would go on to win damages and admissions of libel from The Daily Mail, The Times and The Daily Telegraph variously for incorrectly reporting that she had been responsible for the inadequate and inconsistent charging decisions.
Morgan’s successor on the case was Nicholas Corsellis QC, who on the first day of trial was permitted by the CPS to request two assault charges be added against Stokes. ‘Upon further review,’ claimed a CPS statement, ‘we considered that additional assault charges would also be appropriate.’ This was patent nonsense from the service that eight months earlier had chosen the lesser charge. Any lawyer knows that no judge will allow new charges once a trial has begun, because the defence hasn’t had time to prepare. But such a request could deflect criticism of the prosecution service by technically making the judge the one who disallows the charge.
Working through the story from the trial and the tape is complicated. You had a Ryan and a Ryan, a Hale and a Hales, a Billy and a Barry and a Ben. You had several versions of events as to who knew whom, who was drinking with whom, who had insulted whom and who had merely engaged in ‘banter’, a word that in modern Britain has to do an unconscionable amount of lifting. The reporting had constantly mixed up the Ryans as to who had which injury, who was in hospital, who had played which part in the fight, and whose mum had which stern words to say about it.
Let’s agree that from now Ryan Ali is Ryan One, the firefighter who ended up with a fractured eye socket and a cracked tooth. Ryan Two can be Ryan Hale, the soldier who scored concussion and facial lacerations. Mr Barry and Mr O’Connell are best known per The Sun as Kai and Billy. In scorecard parlance we’ll leave the cricketers as Stokes and Hales.
Amid the confusion, Stokes and his lawyers built his case in a straightforward way. The UK legal definition of affray is ‘if a person threatens or uses unlawful violence or force towards another person, which causes another person of reasonable firmness present at the scene to fear for their safety’. That means it doesn’t account for violence that harms a target, but violence that might frighten a theoretical bystander. The wiggle room for Stokes was with ‘unlawful’, because the charge excuses violence in defending oneself or others.
This interpretation hinged on the beginning of the video, where Ryan One waves a beer bottle about and takes a swing at Kai. The version from Stokes was that he was minding his own business walking down the street when he heard homophobic abuse. He intervened verbally and was threatened verbally by Ryan One – something that Ryan One denied but that couldn’t be proved or disproved. In fear for his safety Stokes had to nullify that threat by bashing Ryan One before it went the other way. He registered Ryan Two in his peripheral vision as another possible threat, and again had only one recourse.
Stokes also had to convince the jury to disregard testimony from Mbargo’s bouncer that he had been looking for a fight. A solid lump of a man, Andrew Cunningham had not enjoyed his patron’s attempts to get back into the club after the bouncer declined an offer of a bribe. ‘He got a bit verbally abusive towards myself. He mentioned my gold teeth and he said I looked like a cunt and I replied, “Thank you very much.” He just looked at me and told me my tattoos were shit and to look at my job.’ Cunningham described these words as coming in ‘a spiteful tone, quite an angry tone’, and said that Stokes still seemed angry as he walked away.
These were details the doorman had nothing to gain by inventing, but each of them Stokes denied. By his own accounting he had drunk a beer at the game and three pints at his hotel, then ‘potentially had some Jägerbombs’ along with half a dozen vodkas at the club. He insisted that after all of this he was not drunk.
If I may take a moment here to call upon the wisdom of experience – a person who cannot definitively say whether they have had any Jägerbombs has definitely had some Jägerbombs. A Jägerbomb is an experience that does not pass one by. Further to that, a person who says they have ‘potentially’ done something has definitely done that thing and doesn’t want to admit it. A person who has had between 15 and 24 standard drinks in one evening is shitfaced. A person who tries to bribe a bouncer £300 – three hundred quid! – to get into Mbargo – Mbargo! – is beyond shitfaced.
If Stokes admitted that he was drunk then the prosecution could say he was out of control. He claimed clear recall of assessing a threat, feeling fear and deciding to protect himself with force. He confidently denied details from the bouncer’s testimony, like using the word ‘cunt’ or mentioning gold teeth. Yet on other details he claimed a ‘significant memory blackout’. He didn’t remember the punch that saw Ryan One taken away by ambulance. He didn’t remember what the Ryans had said to Kai and Billy, only that those words were homophobic. With no head injury, as one of the few people who hadn’t been hit, he had supposedly suffered this memory loss despite being sober.
The version from Kai and Billy was compatible but vague: they had been walking along, they ‘heard … shouts’ of abuse from an unspecified source, then Stokes ‘stepped in’ and thus they avoided possible harm. They claimed to have been bought a drink by Stokes at Mbargo, although CCTV showed them meeting outside. The overall implication from both accounts was that the cricketers had been pals with Kai and Billy, while the Ryans as per The Sun’s headline were a roving band of thugs.
The reality though is that the Ryans were the ones hanging out with Kai and Billy at Mbargo. Police discussed CCTV from inside the club in questioning and at trial. On that footage the four Bristolians bought drinks for one another, danced together, and Kai was noted to have variously touched Ryan Two’s crotch and Ryan One’s buttock. Ryan One told police that all of this was taken lightheartedly and wasn’t a problem. Indeed, when the Ryans called it a night the other two left with them.
This much is clear from footage out the front of Mbargo, which shows Kai and Billy exit the club and start talking with a subdued Hales and a demonstrative Stokes, who are stuck outside. The vision was played in court to determine whether Stokes was antagonistic towards Kai and Billy, as he appears to impersonate them and to throw a lit cigarette their way. More interesting is that after a few minutes the Ryans emerge, and all six actors in the fight video briefly form a prequel in the one frame.
Ryan Two pats Billy on the chest in friendly fashion with his right hand before clapping him on the back with his left. He moves past and does the same to Kai before leaving the shot. Ryan One stops to speak to Kai. They lean in for a moment, talking, then Kai turns and they walk out of frame together. Billy hangs around for a few seconds at the door and then looks after them and races to catch up. Stokes and Hales remain outside the club to remonstrate further with the bouncers. Whatever discord develops around the corner is between four men who left amicably together minutes earlier.
There’s no way to know what caused that friction. If Ryan One did use homophobic slurs, he might have been drunkenly obnoxious for no reason. He might have had an insecure macho response to some extra flirtation. He might have thought unkindness was funny – ‘banter’ once again. Or he might have said something that was misunderstood, as both Ryans insisted in court that they had not used nor had the impulse to use any abusive language.
What clearly didn’t happen was an attack by bigots on random passers-by. This kind of crime is regular enough that an audience understands the horror of it, and this is what was evoked by the public accounts of Stokes, Billy and Kai. All we know is that there was some verbal dispute among the Bristol locals, and that Stokes came along behind them and put himself in the middle of it. Ryan One responded to the interference aggressively and away they went. There are plenty of reasons to look sideways at the idea that Stokes was a saviour. Foremost, neither Kai nor Billy was called upon as witnesses in court. You’d think it would be ideal to have Stokes’ story backed up by those who benefited from his selflessness. But his defence team had developed the impression that the pair had shown a changeable recall of events amid a hard-partying lifestyle, and would be dismantled by the prosecution on the stand.
That raises the question of whether The Sun coached their quotes for the 2017 interview. Despite missing court, Kai and Billy clearly enjoyed the attention. In 2018 after the trial they did a follow-up spread in the same paper about how poor Ben had been mistreated. They got a television spot on Good Morning Britain and glowed about his heroism. In 2019 The Sun wheeled them out once more to say that Stokes should get a knighthood. In 2017 they had ‘never watched cricket’ but by 2019 were supposedly volunteering sentences like, ‘He saved us, now he’s saved the Ashes.’ Whether they were paid for these appearances is not known, but the chance to be famous for a day can be lure enough.
If you find this cynical, consider that on the night in question, the Bristol boys were so deeply moved and thankful for Ben’s intervention that they left him to be arrested and never attempted to find out who he was. Seconds after the video ended, an off-duty policeman reached the scene. You might think that someone grateful to a saviour would speak on his behalf. Instead, said Kai, ‘it all got a bit scary so we walked off. It was too much for me and we went to Quigley’s takeaway for chicken burgers and cheesy chips.’ They didn’t give their hero a thought for over a month while police issued multiple appeals for witnesses.
As for Stokes, he told his arresting officer that ‘his friends’ had been attacked. After three minutes of chat outside a nightclub, these friends were so dear to him that he has never contacted them again: not after the newspaper piece, not after the verdict. He didn’t want to see how they were or thank them for their support. He didn’t mention them by name in his solicitor’s statement after the trial.
The Stokes defence rested on Ryan One’s bottle, which he had carried out of Mbargo to finish a beer, not to use in a Sharks versus Jets amateur production. But once he turned it over to hold it by the neck it became a weapon. Intent and interpretation can change the material nature of things. Part of Stokes’ justification in court was that the bottle implied that the two Ryans might have ‘other weapons’ hidden away. You can understand how a jury could decide that created doubt.
Not being convicted, though, doesn’t give the contents of the video a big green tick. It does not, as his lawyer claimed, vindicate Stokes. Looking in detail, Ryan One is belligerent but his movements telegraph a bluff. Hales is the person he’s gesturing at, but they’re several metres apart when Ryan One cocks his arm ostentatiously, showing off the bottle rather than bracing to swing. He skips forward but Hales skips back and Ryan One doesn’t follow. Kai stretches out an arm to impede Ryan One, who has a drunken stumble, nearly eats pavement, then staggers towards Kai and hits him in the back. That hand is still holding the bottle, but his strike is a side-arm cuff on a soft part of the body. It’s all pretty tame.
This is where Stokes gets involved. Having moved across to protect Hales, he now takes three large steps to run around Kai and booms his first punch at Ryan One. They fall to the ground and the bottle clinks away. Stokes gets to his feet to punch down at the fallen man, while Hales arrives to kick him ineffectively then runs off across the street for some unknown reason. Ice-cream van? Stokes is soon back in the grapple having his shirt pulled up to show off his Durham tan. Ryan Two steps in for the first time to pull Stokes away, prompting a couple more random punches at this new target, then Stokes trips backwards over Ryan One and sprawls in the street. Hales chooses this moment to return and aim some solid kicks at the head of the man on the ground. Nothing so far is a triumph of moral philosophy or the pugilistic arts. But if it all stopped here, perhaps you could say it was somewhere approaching fair. Ryan One has behaved like a turnip and it’s not an entirely unjust world that would give him a whack across the chops. The antagonists have disentangled, Stokes has some distance, it’s time to dust off and go home. Ryan Two steps forward for this purpose with his palm raised in conciliatory style and says, ‘Settle down, stop.’
So Stokes punches him.
It’s roughly his fifth punch overall, and he really winds up into this one. He misses so hard that he stumbles away into the shadows of the shop awnings along the road.
Hales starts shouting for him to stop. Ryan Two backs into the street, still holding his palm up. Stokes closes on him from about five metres away, six large steps, to where Ryan Two is standing on his own. Stokes pushes him a couple of times, as Ryan Two keeps trying to placate him and saying ‘Stop.’ Stokes throws his sixth punch, largely missing as his target ducks.
Ryan Two keeps pulling away and reversing, into the middle of the street now. Stokes follows him, grabbing his sleeve to drag him back. By this point Ryan One has found his feet and walked around behind his friend. Both of them are in the same line of sight for Stokes, and both are backing away. Stokes aims his seventh and his eighth punches, which Ryan Two tries to deflect, as Hales walks up behind Stokes to grab him.
Stokes yanks away from his friend and switches to Ryan One instead, taking seven paces to grab him before throwing his ninth punch of the night. He grabs again; Ryan One blocks that arm and pushes himself back away from Stokes. Ryan Two again intercedes, putting himself between the two with his palms up and his arm extended.
Stokes throws his tenth punch, a right-hander at the face of Ryan Two, then shoves him backwards. Ryan Two backs away once more, four paces. Stokes follows, steadies, lines up, then launches his strongest punch yet, his eleventh, a proper right hook from a solid base, one that cracks across the man’s head and gives him concussion. Ryan Two ends up flat on his back in the middle of the street, his hands still outstretched for a moment in useless protest until they twitch and drop to the blacktop.
Stokes isn’t done. He once more shoves away the restraining Hales and follows Ryan One, who keeps backing away saying, ‘Alright, alright, alright.’ Five more paces from Stokes before another blow at the man’s head. Kai and Billy are now standing over the poleaxed Ryan Two. The video ends, but seconds later Stokes will punch Ryan One hard enough to knock him out too, before off-duty cop Andrew Spure arrives on the scene to bring down the curtain. When the body-camera footage kicks in some minutes later, Stokes is in handcuffs but Ryan One is still laid out in the street. Ryan Two has regained consciousness, folded his shirt under his friend’s head and is asking police for an ambulance.
‘At this point, I felt vulnerable and frightened. I was concerned for myself and others.’ This was how Stokes described that sequence to the court. An elite athlete with years of gym work and training to snap a bat through the line of a ball with astounding power and precision, swinging fists as hard as he can at men with none of those advantages. Punching so hard that he breaks his hand, and repeatedly shoving away a friend so he can punch some more. Frightened and threatened by two targets shouting ‘Get back!’ and ‘Stop!’
The off-duty officer testified that Stokes ‘seemed to be the main aggressor or was progressing forward trying to get to’ Ryan One, who was ‘trying to back away or get away from the situation’. The student who filmed the video can be heard on the tape at one stage exclaiming ‘Fuck!’ and testified that it was because ‘I felt a little bit sorry about the lad that had been punched and it looked like he had his hands up’. That tallied with the prosecutor’s depiction of ‘a sustained episode of significant violence that left onlookers shocked at what was taking place’.
The defendant stuck to his strategy. ‘No, my sole focus was to protect myself.’ All up, in the 33 seconds of footage after he falls over, Stokes takes 35 steps forward to keep hitting two men who keep trying to get away. Not once is he hit back.
After the verdict, Stokes’ solicitor positioned him as the victim. It had been ‘an eleven-month ordeal for Ben … The jury’s decision fairly reflects the truth of what happened that night … He was minding his own business … It was only when others came under threat that Ben became physically engaged. The steps that he took were solely aimed at ensuring the safety of himself and the others present …’ The statement was impossibly self-righteous and self-absorbed.
If there was anyone to feel sorry for it was Ryan Hale, the second of our two Ryans. He’s the one who emerged from the club with a friendly arm around the shoulder for Kai and Billy. He’s the one who interposed himself to end the fight, then kept putting himself back in the firing line, trying to calm an intimidating stranger while dodging blows. For his show of restraint he got laid out regardless, concussed in the street, then was issued a criminal charge equal to that of the man who hit him, and described in national media as a violent bigot in an untested story to support that man’s defence.
Lawyers for Ryan Two made a more convincing post-trial statement, noting that Kai and Billy, ‘neither of whom were relied upon by the prosecution or the defence team for Mr Stokes, have taken the opportunity to speak with various media outlets about the alleged homophobic abuse that they received in the early hours of September 25. Mr Hale has passionately denied this allegation throughout the course of this case,’ it continued.
‘It is upsetting to Mr Hale that although he was acquitted, the accusation that he was the author of such abuse remains. Both Mr Hale and Mr Ali were knocked unconscious by Mr Stokes, and although Mr Stokes has been acquitted of an affray, Mr Hale struggles with the reasons why the Crown Prosecution Service did not treat him as a victim of an unlawful assault.’Good question. Avon and Somerset police were the investigating force, and they were frustrated by the decision. Ryan Two was filmed clearly not hurting anyone, but police were instructed by the CPS to proceed with a charge. Hales (the cricketer) was filmed fighting but ‘a decision was made at a senior level of the CPS’ not to proceed. Police expected Stokes to be charged with assault but the CPS declined. It doesn’t take a wild cynic to think that placing the same lukewarm charge on three men for vastly divergent behaviour might ensure that none would be convicted, even as the trial would maintain the pretence that a defendant of influential standing had not been given a free pass.
A couple of years down the line, the original interview with Kai and Billy has disappeared. All traces have been scrubbed from The Sun website, its social media history, and even from the Wayback Machine internet archive. Given its headline of ‘homophobic thugs’ and text that names Ryan Two but not Ryan One, the libel liability isn’t hard to spot. Later interviews with Kai and Billy take the passive voice – they ‘suffered homophobic slurs outside a Bristol nightclub’.
The article that was once claimed to exonerate brave Ben Stokes now links only to a missing content page, with a picture of a dropped ice-cream cone and the phrase ‘legal removal’ inserted into the web URL. In terms of consequences, Stokes missed one tour. When he resumed his career in January 2018, the Australians hadn’t yet ruined theirs. Their year-long bans looked much more stringent. But the Stokes case dragged on in other ways. With no criminal liability, the Australians confessed promptly enough for the sporting world to give them the full length of the lash. Their situation was ugly but there was closure. Stokes got stuck in legal stasis, unable to be fully backed or condemned. Instead his issue was always present, a browser full of open tabs that the ECB swore they would read any day now.
Through 2018 Stokes was back but he wasn’t back, in the sunglasses and finger-guns sense. In his return one-day series he nearly cost England a match with 39 from 73 balls in Wellington. His first Test hit was a duck as England got rolled in Auckland for 58. At Trent Bridge while Stokes was injured, England posted a world record 481 against Australia. With Stokes three weeks later at the same ground they made 268. He crawled to 50 from 103, the second-slowest any Englishman had reached that milestone in 20 years. That span covered Alastair Cook’s whole career. It was apologetic batting, acting out responsibility via the scorecard. Stokes was creeping back into the team like he’d been kicked out in a blazing row and was hoping to tip-toe to the sofa.
It was December 2018 before the ECB disciplinary committee ruled on him and Hales. In a ‘remarkable coincidence’, wrote Simon Heffer in The Telegraph, ‘the punishment both players faced in terms of bans from playing at international level was covered by the amount of games they had already missed when dropped by England’s selectors, in the furore that followed the incident’. The verdict compounded the omissions around the case by not addressing the violence at its heart. Nor did Stokes, apologising only ‘to my team-mates, coaches and support staff’, and then ‘to England supporters and to the public for bringing the game into disrepute’.
The implicit next step was to rebuild that reputation. It might have been easier had his court defence not meant that he wasn’t game to admit any fault at all. It might have been easier if he or his advisers had been willing to change tack once the trial was done. Imagine a world where Stokes had stood outside court and apologised for overreacting, for the injuries he’d caused, and for the time and energy he had sucked out of other people’s lives. That would have been a show of responsibility beyond a scorecard. When the time came around to assess forgiveness, it might have meant forgiveness was deserved.
submitted by wingzero00 to Cricket [link] [comments]

T’was the night before matching

And I’m hyped as heck
I’ll type this story before i doublecheck
My Redditgifts profile for the millionth time
All is want, is to ensure that I’m
Through with answers, and funny too
It’s time for the recap without further adou.

Man those rhymes are getting worse and worse.
Anyway, I'm back with another adventure calendar countdown. For anyone unfamiliar, I send my giftees on an immersive treasure/scavenger hunt every year for secret santa. I’m talking through my side of things just as a way to give you a peek behind the curtain.
You can check the last three posts here, here, and here.

Wanna know what happens when an adventure doesn’t go quite as planned? Because this is what happens when an adventure doesn’t go as planned.

I give you:
Constructed Adventure no. 46: The Archer Princess and the cactus pin.
I was super intrigued when I learned my giftee lived in a small town outside Reno, NV. I was even more intrigued when I learned that she often did Legacy Horseback rides and was learning horseback archery.
This adventure was going to be in the wilderness.
After a bit of communication, I was relieved to learn that her and her husband would be fine heading into Reno. There was just so much more to work with.
I landed in Reno, booked my stay at one of the cheap hotel/casinos (Note: They’re all cheap) and went scouting! I’d done the usual Yelp/Google/TripAdvisor scrape to find my best possibilities for stops and beelined to a cute little place called “Daughter’s Cafe.” This is a Restaurant built in a home. The Owner lives upstairs. She’s super cool and the food was incredible. Pretty sure I ate there every day. Anyway, unprompted, the owner told me about these wild chickadee birds that live in the mountains halfway from here to lake tahoe (about a 45 minute drive). She hand drew me a map and gave me a bag of seed and said
“If you stand still, they’ll eat out of your hand”
Unreal.
So I drove up the mountain, rented up some snowshoes, and fed some chickadees. It was a magical experience that I HAD to send my giftee on. (note: normally I dont like having any spot have a longer travel distance than 15 minutes but occasionally I’ll make an exception).
Also, since she did archery, I really wanted her to have to shoot something down. So I scouted a spot 5-10 minutes into the trail where she would shoot down a chest from a tree.
After that spot, most of the other stops were pretty simple. She’d hit a few places in the Riverfront district, before stopping in at a speakeasy, then hitting an incredible hike, deciphering someone doing semaphore 100’s of feet away, and then meeting me up the mountainside under a fully decorated real christmas tree!
When she got her initial package, it contained a little cactus pin. The goal was to signpost every stop with the pin. (Signposting is a technique puzzlemakers use to let players know they’re on the right track). Everywhere she went, she either found, or someone was wearing one of the pins!
The day kicked off perfectly! The weather was temperate and everything looked up. My giftee and her husband hit the cafe, ate breakfast, and headed up the mountain. They picked up the snowshoes from a place midway to the spot. The guy behind the counter was kind of a jerk, but he still played along.
Then they got to the spot. I actually passed them as they got out of their car! Me and a friend who I flew in (Same guy who helped me will all the other adventures) returned our shoes and then waited...and waited….and waited....
An hour passed by.
Turns out there were two parallel paths with the same name! One was the correct path (Signposted with large roses along the way) and the other was the incorrect path. I made three big mistakes that led to this snafu:
  1. I should have done more thorough scouting to notice the other path with the same name.
  2. I should have been more detailed with directions and how long they should expect to take on the trek
  3. I gave them my phone number at the beginning of the adventure but never got theirs. They ended up leaving the note with my number in their car.
So after snowshoeing 2-3 miles into the mountains, they decided to turn back to their car, get my number, and text me.
Needless to say we were just a bit behind schedule.
Once they got back to their car and messaged me, we sorted the issue and they found and shot down the chest with ease!
They headed back down the mountain and continued their adventure. But we’d lost a ton of time on the day. Once i arrived at what was supposed to be the final location, it was getting dark, and it was brutally windy. I was pretty miserable up there and I can’t imagine they would want to be up there after snowshoeing such a long way!
So I called it! I messaged them to stay in the speakeasy and order more drinks! I drove back to the spot, and gave them all their presents at the bar. It was so much nicer than up on a dark windy hilltop.
So that’s it! Another adventure in the bag. Definitely NOT what I expected but still fun. I learn a lot of lessons after each adventure and sometimes hiccups happen!
It goes without saying that if you’re ever planning a treasure/scavenger hunt for someone, don't hesitate to reach out. I’m happy to double check your plan and point out potential pitfalls you might have.
Hope you enjoyed this recap. No shameless plug this time! Just a HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to the mods and admins who run Redditgifts. Tomorrow is their day of reckoning and all i can say is

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ MODS TAKE MY ENERGY ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

submitted by squeakysqueakysqueak to secretsanta [link] [comments]

WSB ---2021 New Years Resolutions

Alright you fellow retards lets all agree to perhaps maybe hit the ground running a little different going into the next year. We've had a great year already so lets not let the Boomers win and say "seeeee the Wall Street Bets crowd ultimately got it wrong." Here is a list of random thoughts/advice/and new years resolutions for 2021. Feel free to add to it in the comments below:
1- FUCKING STOP buying weekly options that are far OTM. Like just stop. Its stupid as FUCK. Buy options that have at least 30 DTE so you have a chance for the position to set up. You can always go back and sell those OTM weeklys against your new monthly calls to some other retard and see how stupid it is. Or worst case you can roll out those options and keep making more money---THIS IS THE WAY
2-Seriously why isn't there a $WSB etf? Right there is our Ticker. Someone smart who knows these things please start up an ETF with all of our favorites so the lazy FUCKS who just want to go along for the ride can get exposure. Also its an ETF----young people love anything that is an ETF and raises the share prices so we all win. Someone make that happen and I'll buy the first 100 shares
3- Loss porn is funny. But you know what we should make a thing with 2021??? Tendie parties. I wanna instead see the insane stupid things people buy with their tendies instead of knowing they stayed in the casino where the house always wins. I'm talking tigers and boats and shit! Looking at you GME gang. This is the year where we get our wives back by giving them DDD implants! You need them for a flotation device incase your private planes crash. So its an investment!
4- Options are great, but remember that the secret is out on us now. Massive buying of options alone doesn't move share price. You know what does? BUYING STONKS!!!! Put half into stocks and other half into options.
5- I love it when shit moons🚀🚀🚀🛸🛸🛸. Like mmmmmmm gets daddy hard in the morning. But I'm going to end up jacking off while my wife fucks her boyfriend if I don't do some profit taking. Sell calls at the highs, pair back positions. I love you diamond hand fucks, but remember the people that are telling you to hold as shit drops are probably the ones who have already hedged their profits.
6- I still want Uncle Cramer to ask me to sit on his lap in 2021 and tell me what a good boy I've been. So lets spend the entire year crushing it so we can get hopefully touched by Uncle and a pat on our bottoms at the end of the year when we truly fucking take this shit over to the next level
7- Lastly: more memes please? its the only thing that makes me laugh when I see my account is down 10% intraday---I know I'm a fucking pussy for not risking it all on stupid shit. 10% is pussy shit---so yea keep em coming!
Any other resolutions? Remember its a long game---Boomers would love more than anything to say we are ultimately wrong. They don't understand we are here to fuck shit up and tear down the status quo. Lets outlive these geriatric fucks so we can run the money printer one day!
EDIT POSITIONS: 3700 shares AMD at $77; 300 GME shares at $17.23; 6 Feb 21 $20 calls long -3 Jan $22 calls -3 jan $25 calls; 400 PLTR shares at $16.27 5 Jan 22 $35 at $14.00 oooof -3 jan 15 $29 calls
Plus a bunch more you don’t care about
submitted by jwredskins55 to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Hard Rock Nick: letter to the mommies

Hey mommies,
It's Hard Rock Nick, i would like to address some allegations and other questions (because i am a cool guy that likes to interact with the mommies). As you know many false allegations have been levied against me in the last 2 years (since my celebrity became widely known and since i appeared on multiple tv shows and podcasts). Many of these allegations are rooted in hate and are meant only to damage my celebrity, these allegations have significantly damaged my profitability and the monetization of my celebrity (I was kicked off of Cameo,Holo, Manscapped, and am currently being booted from Starsona). I would like to address to allegations against my character: I did not do anything to my ex-wife, it didn't work out and we had our differences, she claims i defiled her sink, edited her Wikipedia page, stole form her, etc. (These are all boldfaced lies!) Secondly, I actually do own hotels and casinos my Hard Rock Vegas was bought out by Virgin and i received and extra $75,000,000 in 2019! I am also a homeowner of 8 homes (Dallas, Irvine Cove, Tokyo, Stalingrad, Del Mar, Santa Monica, WEHO, and Oakland). Third i do own 18 cars, and 12 of them are Mercedes Benzes, but people want to fixate on my show truck which i sold to Robert Downey jr. for $300,000. I am also going to be in a new Iron Man movie in 2021-2022, and am scheduled to make even more money. I interact with my fans because i want to build a brand name and want to bring my fans and their influence into my personal projects and my professional projects! I also would like to address allegations of predatory behavior, yes i do have a young and powerful fan base (13-18) but i do not send sexually explicit messages or sexually intoned messages to them i only merely try to inspire my young fans to be like me! I would also like to address the large swaths of people who accuse me of being loud and vulgar, i do this because that is the brand i created for myself and that is what i got famous for, i also would like to address allegations of racism, I am not racist, yes i prefer white women but that is a preference that is my personal choice, i am not saying that there aren't pretty women of color, i am just saying i prefer what i prefer. This brings me to another point, people are saying i am an Armenian, persian, Turkish guy, I am not ham a Dutch Swedish guy and i have light eyes, i think i know what race i am and i am the expert int that area. Furthermore, allegations of me being gay are false i am a straight man and i like women. I also would like to talk about the goofballs who said i am Aly Ashley Jash, i never have once changed my name, I was born as Nicholas Rock Johannsen, and am proud of my nordic heritage! The final allegation that i would like to address is the one that i am a liar and have been arrested for multiple felonies, These are all false, the court documents were doctored to make a false case against me! I did not steal and Escalade form a cadillac dealership and hide it in my moms garage, i did not harrass 5 women to the point of lawsuit, i did not harass my wife and her boyfriend after we divorced, furthermore, i did not file for a bankruptcy in 2012. These are all baltant lies and they are running my celebrity. Please do not believe everything that you see on the internet because it is not true it damages my reputation and misleads you the mommies!
I have a lot of love for Tom and Christina they are awesome, i really liked the segments they did on me they were very funny and tasteful! I also like their other cool guys my other favorites are Tony Johns and Fedsmoker. I would love to do an interview with Tom and Christina, even if it is over the phone or via Skype!
-Hope this clears everything up
- The founder of the Rich Guy Club
Hard Rock Nick
submitted by NicholasJohannsen to yourmomshousepodcast [link] [comments]

Pros and Cons

This remaster has a lot of good improvements but there are also some changes that didn't make everyone happy, so I will be listing all the good and bad changes I noticed.
(𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒔)
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•Graphics improvements (obviously): the new graphics and shades are beautiful, there's absolutely nothing to complain about it.
•New short cutscenes
•You can now run (unlike the original PC version).
•New Scenes for the opening
•New music.
•Changing the Soda Popper's pants from red to stripped, which made them look way more ridiculous than before.
•You can now see what objects are clickable.
•Sibyl's glasses now have temples
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•New voice actor for Bosco: the new voice actor performance is in fact inferior to the previous one, Bosco sounds too young and not paranoid at all.
•In some episodes, Sybil's office is way too dark.
•They changed the license plate of that car parked next to the DeSoto
Original: DRG DLR (drug dealer)
New: RMS DLR (arms dealer, I guess?)
Which made the joke less funny
(𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒙𝒆𝒅)
•From episode 2 onwards, when you click on some objects, Max still has the old voice from episode 1 (unlike the original, where his voice completely changed from episode 1 onwards).
(𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒙𝒆𝒅)
Extra:
•New opening theme.
•The items in the car chase segments (such as the megaphone and the car horn) have been moved from left to right.
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 1
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•The lights turn off while interrogating Jimmy, which made the scene way better.
•The location for the spray can got changed to a place that is now easier to find.
•The time changes from day to night throughout the playthrough.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•They changed some of the lines (or censored, like some people say), for instance:
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: It's the latest in BoscoTech inovation, it'll clear out a room of militant college students in no time, guaranteed.
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
It's the latest in BoscoTech inovation, it'll clear out a room in no time, guaranteed.
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 2
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•You can now see the outside of the WARP studios.
•Fatherly has some new clothes
•Fixed the bug from the original, where Max's voice didn't amplify when he used the megaphone.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•The hypnobear head does not move while hypnotizing Myra.
•They changed some of the lines (or censored, like some people say), for instance:
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: Oh no, the Skinbodies are like Skinheads, but ten times worse!
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Oh no, the Skinbodies are like those horrible hairless cats, but ten times worse!
Which ruined the joke, considering the "Skinbodies" themselves are a reference to the "Skinheads"
•When you take a picture with Hugh Bliss, the picture still has the old models from the original.
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: Tally-Ho, foo'!
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Tally-Ho!
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 3
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•You can now see the outside of the casino.
•The Ted E. bear theme song will you play when you enter the casino.
•Max will watch you play the rats games, just like he did in "Hit the Road".
•Sam & Max can now wear the bear heads after they join the mafia.
•When you click the bear head in the table Sam will stare at it, which is kinda funny.
•You can now see Sam & Max running through the casino when it's about to explode and you can actually see the results of the explosion.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•They changed some of the lines (or censored, like some people say), for instance:
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: You may call me, Jean-Francois Sissypants, the cowardly French anarchist.
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
You may call me, Jean-Francois Bonde-A-Part, the new wave French anarchist.
Which doesn't make sense, considering Sam & Max still call him "Sissypants"
(𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒙𝒆𝒅)
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 4
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•The windows of the Oval Office will close every time one of the Poppers say "war", which made the scene better.
•The "War Song" now has subtitles.
•You can now go back to the office from inside the war room
•When you shoot the missile at the Lincoln statue, not only the statue will get destroyed, but the pavement as well (unlike the original where just the statue got destroyed).
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•When you shoot a missile at Antarctica and Krypton the screen won't update and the time estimate for the missile to hit Krypton does not show up.
(𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒙𝒆𝒅)
•The news for the results of the election still has the old blurry textures from the original.
•When the "War Song" musical is playing, the pool and water where the secret agents jump in is the exact same low poly model from the original.
•They changed the timing for one of the jokes:
In the original when Max says he feels like someone is watching and judging his every move, he would slowly turn his head towards the camera while saying that and then Sam would look at the camera and say "That's me Max.". Now Max will say the whole phrase while looking at Bosco and then he will look angry at the camera after saying that, and Sam will not look at the the camera at all, which made the the joke way less funny.
•Unlike the original, the camera does not closeup when reading the newspapers and Max doesn't show any animation (apart from the lipsync), especially when saying "I can dig it", which made the joke a little less funny.
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 5
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•Reality 2.0 visuals looks pretty.
•A new visual effect got added when you remove the virtual reality goggles.
•Fixed the bug from the original, where Max's voice didn't amplify when he used the megaphone.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•They changed some of the lines (or censored, like some people say), for instance:
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bob: Take our complimentary goggles designed for special-needs children so that the little ones can play along.
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Take our complimentary wide-fit goggles designed for playing while bicycling or enjoying full-contact sports!
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: It's 'cause everyone on the internet has to pick an avatar, like a dwarf or an orc or an hot young fifteen-year- old girl curious about the adult world and willing to experiment.
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞::
It's cause everyone on the internet has to pick an avatar, like a dwarf or an orc or a troll... But we've got enough trolls.
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Bosco: Half-elf, foo'!
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Half- elf, troll!
•The C.O.P.S. song wasn't synced up right, so the visuals were wrong and the end got cut off.
•In a different part of the episode, Max just wanders off during part of the dialogue.
𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 6
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨:
•You can now see the DeSoto landing and leaving the moon.
•The lighting on the "Blister of Tranquility" is beautiful.
•Hugh Bliss bacteria form is way shiner an has little particles floating around him, which kinda looks like a real bacteria.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙨:
•They changed some of the lines (or censored, like some people say), for instance:
𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Max: A hundred trillion?! You crazy, foo'!
Bosco: Look man, all I know is, I keep making up the most ridiculous price I can think of, and you keep paying it! So I ask you, who's the foo'?
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:
Look man, all I know is, I keep making up the most ridiculous price I can think of, and you keep paying it! So I ask you, who's the crazy one?
Him saying "crazy" doesn't make sense, since Max called him a "foo'".
•They also removed some of the dialogue option, (some of them were pretty funny) such as:
𝟏-"𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞"
Sam: Mind telling us how you came to be a woman?
Max: Did you use lasers, or just do it the old-fashioned way?
Bosco: Are you sassin' me? Boy I'll whup your behind so hard you won't be able to see straight!
Max: But I don't see out of my behind.
Bosco: You will after I get through with you!
𝟐- "𝐇𝐨𝐰'𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧?"
Sam: So how are those BoscoTech breasts holdin' up?
Bosco: Oh, these are all natural, honey.
Max: I'm not gonna lie, I like 'em bosomy.
Bosco: Oh, Max, you take after your father.
Max: Okay, you just crossed the line, pal!
Sam: Easy Max, theoretically, we have even more disturbed people to worry about right now.
•In the original when you click on the bug, Sam will say "Hey Max, is this our bug?" and then the bug will repeat the same thing but with Sam's voice. Now when you click the bug, the bug will say the same thing, but in his own voice, which kinda removes the point of him being a "bug".
•Unlike the original, Mr. Spatula's water cooler is still in the office, despite the same cooler being on the moon, removing the idea that the fish ran away with his water cooler and everything, making the joke less funny.
Extra:
•Max will now ask "Where are we going Sam?" even after Hugh removes his vices (Unlike the original, where he didn't say anything).
These are all the changes I noticed, but If someone finds more changes (or even a typo), just let me know and I'll edit it right away!
submitted by Gibus_Squidward to SamandMax [link] [comments]

Closing thoughts on Cyberpunk 2077 after getting my platinum. (Spoilers)

After 80 hours of playing on PS5, I got my platinum trophy.
Cyberpunk 2077 is really good, albeit pretty buggy, throughout my playthrough on PS5, my game crashed probably 50+ times but I wasn't too mad as I manually saved frequently and any progress blocking bugs were fixed after a quick load of a checkpoint.
I played as a Male Street Kid V and I didn't mind his VO, there were times where he came off as kind of a try-hard tough guy but It honestly felt charmingly dorky because of the moments where V is just being himself and isn't being that dorky try-hard; And while the life-paths ultimately didn't impact anything major, I enjoyed the flavor dialog you get when the life-path exclusive options pop up, some even opened up different way of completing certain quests, which I thought was pretty neat.
The gameplay felt good to me after some tinkering around with the sensitivity options, I mainly just used power weapons and only really used Skippy as a Smart weapon and I really liked how punchy the sound of guns were; melee was fine for an fps game, though I didn't like how magnetized some of the enemies attacks were, so regardless if you dodged, you still risked a hit; parrying felt weird, I feel like it only worked half the time and when it did, it was when I was nowhere near for a good hit; kinda wish there was some kind of grappling to mix things up between light and heavy attacks.
Looting, I felt had issues, I always grabbed something that was way far off to the side of the thing I was actually trying to grab, it was even worse when it was a gun under a body where you had to find a sweet spot to grab it.
I rarely dabbled in crafting if only to get Comrade's Hammer and Overwatch to Legendary but there are things I hope they add in the future, mainly batch crafting for things like ammo and grenades rather than holding square for 10 minutes just to have a decent amount, also a counter to see how much of that item you already have would definitely be helpful for things like ammo crafting.
I REALLY wished this game had more to offer in terms of customization, there was no customization options for vehicles, for guns you only really get scopes and muzzles for things that appear on certain weapons along with mods which are purely for stats, there's so many decent options for outfits but you tend to be forced into having clothes that look bad but have better stats and mod slots and not something that's cool to you, hopefully transmog gets added along with barber shops and plastic surgeons. Also, a little nitpick of mine, but the lack of cloth physics on coats for V was kinda sad, its definitely possible as River and Takemura's coats have physics applied to them, maybe its just a PS4 version issue and it'll be something they might add with the next-gen version but I honestly doubt it.
Cars handled fine for me and I really liked the look and feel of some of the cars, even the more luxurious cars that I tend to avoid in most open world games. In the beginning, the driving felt like a more manageable, better handling version of GTA IV but as I got better with it, it clicked to me, its JUST Saint Row 2's driving which I really liked because I feel like SR2 has the best driving controls in any open world game.
Night City and the Badlands were really masterfully created, each area had their own style that really appealed to me and I look forward to how much better they can look in the next-gen version; I can't say I have any areas that I would consider my favorite as I really enjoyed the map as a whole but there was nothing that really grabbed me like the West End in Vampyr for example.
The story was REALLY FUCKING GOOD! All of the characters felt real and really fit with the character of V, I really liked how much V grows throughout the story from being a cocky street kid to someone who cares about the people close to him but is scared of his situation.
Johnny starts as an obnoxious asshole but you can definitely tell that V changes him to be a better person (at least in my game), and you start to sympathize with his actions and reasonings and he becomes a really likeable and funny character in most of the side missions; And his ending where he takes over V is just sad, loses the guy he was trying to save and Rouge, I interpreted that ending as Johnny getting a second chance at life he didn't want and while he probably doesn't want to ruin this second chance, he's more than likely mentally checked out and is just waiting for his time to come. Keanu did a really good job with Johnny and I honestly can't think of anyone who would have done a better job.
I really like Judy, she such a bittersweet character, she loses Evelyn, who she definitely had feelings for, tries to help the workers at Clouds but gets screwed over by someone with ulterior motives and as an end result decides to leave NC, looking for her happiness, and judging from her texts and ending message, she does. (except the Suicide ending, loses the girl she had feeling for and one of her closest friends both to suicide, even though I romanced Panam, Judy's message hit the hardest and was incredibly sad)
Panam, in my opinion, on top of being a great character in general, has the best romanceable storyline in a video game, with Jack from ME2 being a close 2nd; the whole relationship dynamic between Panam and V felt natural and made you feel invested in the character, from two people reluctantly paired together by Rouge due to similar objectives and keeping things strictly professional even when V awkwardly flirts with her, and you start to get closer and become friends when you help her with Aldecaldo problems, but then "With a little help from my friends" happens, the "follow your impulses" comment that V makes that Panam follows through with later on was an interesting way of V giving her hints on his feelings, the biggest moment that completely sells the relationship, happens during the campfire; early in the mission, V can talk about Jackie to which Panam will say "I'll remember that" AND BOY DOES SHE REMEMBER THAT, during the campfire, you can toast to Scorpion, an Aldecaldo who died earlier in the questline, everyone, including V toast to Scorpion... except Panam who says "to Jackie", that moment sold me on Panam as a love interest, she cares about V so much that she toasted to a guy she never met just off of the basis that V told her how close he and Jackie were and that he missed him, everything before that was nice but that was just the cherry on top, after that everything is just heart warming and cute as they both completely go all in on their relationship, and the Nomad ending reinforces this but I'll touch on that later.
River was really cool, I dug his character and questline (which is insanely fucked up, but really cool), I laughed when his sister was flirting with V and Rivers like "Nope, bro-code", he's also got a SICK coat.
I didn't like Kerry at first, he seemed like a complete douche, gets you to hijack and burn an band equipment van because someone was covering his song, then drags us into helping him intimidate Us Cracks who where just trying to pay homage and respect to him, after the moment where he understood and accepted that, he became a much better character; trashing the yacht was a pretty fun moment too.
Vik was basically the Uncle character, he cares about V but isn't afraid to hit him with reality, I immediately payed my tab as he deserved it IMO, the fact he also gives V a tip during the final Beat the Brat fight was cool given his history in boxing.
Misty is an absolute sweet heart, you bond with her over Jackie's death and you can tell how important she meant to him and vice-versa, getting her to bond with Mama Wells was neat too, her telling you stories about Jackie while your trying to find something for his memorial was really cool.
Takamura was cool, I dug the moments you can tell V's attitude rubbed off on him, even though you can tell that he's 100% Arasaka, I felt that he would accept you as a friend even if you have different opinions on Arasaka than him (he doesn't, tells you to burn in hell). That parade mission was really cool and the selfie he sends you, 10/10.
I wish we had more time with Jackie, he seemed like a really cool character and experiencing those moments of growth between Jackie and V and meeting Misty and Mama Wells would have been great and really would have made that moment with Panam feel even better had we had more time with Jackie in the beginning as the bond between Jackie and V would have meant more when he does unfortunately die.
The endings vary from absolutely depressing all the way to heartwarming and hopeful.
The suicide ending fucking sucks in the best way, V believing that killing himself is the best way of keeping those he cares about safe and ending his situation with Johnny, but the messages speak otherwise; Misty telling Vik to send a message as a way of coping, Mama Wells praying for you as she probably felt like she just lost two sons in V and Jackie, Judy... fucking hell man, couldn't imagine what was going through her head during that message, Panam's rage at realizing that the man she loved killed himself even though she offered to help him with his situation, River understanding as his previous partner suffered the same fate but also knows its incredibly sad that there's one less good person in NC, Kerry being pissed that V felt that suicide was the right choice as he probably understood as Kerry was in a similar situation and was disappointed V didn't know better and Misty being mournful.
I already touched on the Johnny ending, but I honestly feel bad for Johnny because he didn't ask for a second chance and now he has to live with V and Rogue's deaths on his conscience, on top of probably burning any and all bridges with V's friends and loved ones.
The Arasaka ending is some borderline horror shit, being trapped in space with a corp who's researching your condition with probable ulterior motives, having nightmares because of the repetitive testing, calling your friends who tell you they miss you and to come back home (though, Panam was pissed when I called her) and in the end you have two choices, sell your soul and become an engram for an unknown amount time to Arasaka who probably wont give a shit about you after that or go back to earth and wait out the remaining time you have left.
Become a legend of Night City but ultimately feel you have nothing to lose as you'll die soon anyway and take an offer from Mr. Blue Eyes (Who's incredibly sketchy) to rob a space casino for info he wants.
Nomad Ending is the best ending IMO, not only because I romanced Panam which made the ending even better (and I know that if Female V romances Judy, she joins the Aldecaldo's as well and is also a really good, feel good ending) but also because it left more opportunity for a DLC Expansion than the other endings as well as a satisfying ending to V's story as a whole; the night before the raid was really nice, testing out the new systems on the basilisk with Mitch and the bottle challenge with Cassidy were cool but that's all I could do as the rest of the activities during this were glitched, cuddling with Panam on the overlook was nice, her getting some stress off her chest and V reassuring Panam that he cares about her and will be there for her no matter what was really sweet; the raid was cool, I was hoping Mitch didn't die when he went back to pilot the basilisk solo and I'm glad he didn't die as I grew to like him as basically a Nomad Vik, Saul dying kinda sucked as he seemed to be cooling down his ego and wanting to work things out with Panam for the betterment of the Aldecaldos but Adam stomping his head in was funny, at least Rouge got to blow him up before she dies in Johnny's ending; the moment at the Dam between V and Panam was nice, V saying that he's glad he met Panam and the Aldecaldos and that he has nothing left in Night City, and the moment with them on top of the basilisk was cute; the messages were nice during this ending, though I was kinda disappointed Judy has the same message for all of the non-suicide endings, Misty's Tarot reading message is incredibly important as to why I think Nomad is the best ending, there's already a bunch of threads that touch on that but it definitely says a lot when its the only ending that gives V a shred of a chance that he might cure his disease and survive.
Overall, I really enjoyed my time with Cyberpunk 2077, I'd probably place it as my second game of the year (with Tony Hawk's Pro-Skater 1+2 being my personal GOTY) due to bugs but I know In due time that the game will be something really great by the end of its life span and i hope that if a Cyberpunk 2 does happen, it'll be even better than Cyberpunk 2077; I haven't been able to get this game out of my head since I started playing it and I cannot wait to do this all over again when the PS5 version and all the DLC's come out.
submitted by R-176_36 to LowSodiumCyberpunk [link] [comments]

Definitive Guide: How To Win Every Single Hand In Poker - 2021

A quick disclaimer before we get into the guide: this only works for live poker. I am not responsible for any money you lose trying this online, I think we all should know by now that online poker is rigged. I also have never tried this as mommy would never let her good boi leave the house, but I'm pretty sure this is how it works.

So let's get to work...

PRE-FLOP:

Step 1: I've seen a lot of people get this crucial step wrong so pay close attention. Play every hand! Funny enough the first step in winning every hand is playing every hand. So you're going to be exclusively check / calling the pre-flop as you want as many people in the pot to pay you on the later streets.

FLOP:

Step 2: Flop trips. Pretty self-explanatory, I don't think I have to go into much detail. It should be pretty easy to flop trips in live games given the fact that even without playing pocket pairs you only have to hit 2 out of 3 cards so you even have some margin of error.

Step 3: C-bet / call every option. You want to get the pot a little bigger without getting too many people to fold, more people in the pot = more money for you.

TURN:

Step 4: Improve to quads on either the turn or the river. This is essential for the master plan so don't forget this one. Again this shouldn't be too hard because you only have to hit one more card and you got 2 cards left, now that's a 50/50 percent chance if I've ever seen one.
A lot of people tend to get worried if they haven't already gotten their quads on the turn. Idk why they think their chances of hitting them get smaller when in fact you're GUARENTEED to get to quads on the river if you haven't on the turn. You see the math here is simple, on either street you either improve to quads or you don't and that means there's only one option left for the river as you have already missed the turn.

Step 5: You're again going to be disguising the strength of your hand by betting small aprox. third of the pot / calling your options. They won't know what hit them on the river.

RIVER:

Step 6: So you're sitting with quads on the river, it's time to take this pot home. A lot of times you're going to be holding the nuts here, but if there's a possibility that a better hand exists refer to step 7. If not, shove all in and say : "Ooh, I hope nobody calls me" while trying to look as scared as possible. It's reverse psychology, I've seen the pros do it on TV. This guarantees that you'll get called.

Step 7: So there's a possibility that you don't have the nuts? Outrageous, keep in mind that it's still possible to rig a live game so after you win this hand be sure to switch tables. Now we're going to have to bluff this one, which means shoving all in. Some people might be asking how are you going to get the nuts to fold with just moving all in? This is where the tricky part comes you have to raise with your soul. This usually gets the villain to fold but if he's still considering calling be sure to also bet your mother's souls as you light up a cigarette, mommy doesn't let me smoke though so you might have to improvise here.

So there you have it, I mathematically solved poker for you guys, no need to thank me! Just remember to repeat these exact steps in this exact order for the next hand and we'll all beat the casinos.
submitted by Horis21 to poker [link] [comments]

Kickstarter Roundup: October 11, 2020 | 30+ Ending Soon (including: THE 7th CITADEL) & 55+ New This Week (including: Frostpunk: The Board Game)

What this is:

This is a weekly, curated listing of Kickstarter board game projects that are either:
All board game projects meeting those criteria will automatically be included, no need to ask. (The occasional non-board game project may also sneak in!)
Expect new lists each Sunday sometime between midnight and noon PST.

Ending Soon

Project Info Players Backers Min / Avg Pledge Ends Comments
Broadside Empires of Steel A fully printable tabletop miniatures game set in the era of the Dreadnought Battleship. // Has raised A$11,322 of A$3,000 so far. (~377%) ☑ 2 206 $22 / A$55 Oct 11 kicktraq bgg
PERTHRO A Norse mythology-inspired dice game for two players. // Has raised CHF13,392 of CHF3,500 so far. (~383%) ☑ 2 484 $20 / CHF28 Oct 12 kicktraq
Random Fun Generator, Dice Games from Steve Jackson Games A collection of over twenty dice games from Steve Jackson Games! Use any existing six-sided dice, or play using our many custom dice!!! // Has raised $79,119 of $500 so far. (~15824%) ☑ varies 3166 $15 / $25 Oct 12 kicktraq
Sharks Feeding Frenzy Life getting you down? Wouldn't you rather be a shark? Eat new and exciting people! // Has raised $11,309 of $10,000 so far. (~113%) ☑ 2 - 6 169 $29 / $67 Oct 13 kicktraq
Kingdom (2nd Edition) Build your community together. Fight for what you believe in… or watch it burn. A game about communities by the author of Microscope // Has raised $35,010 of $2,500 so far. (~1400%) ☑ 2 - 5 1214 $10 / $29 Oct 13 kicktraq #rpg #newedition
The Thing - The Boardgame The official board game inspired by the 1982 movie The Thing. // Has raised €318,357 of €42,000 so far. (~758%) ☑ 1 - 8 3995 $93 / €80 Oct 14 kicktraq bgg
Apogee: A New Space Tale A card management game from 1 to 5 players to discover the New Space // Has raised €110,467 of €20,000 so far. (~552%) ☑ 1 - 5 2014 $43 / €55 Oct 14 kicktraq bgg
Soulgivers Absorb the Souls of the fallen heroes and capture the Fragment to survive the Decay in this competitive strategy game for 2 players. // Has raised €64,148 of €40,000 so far. (~160%) ☑ 2 863 $82 / €74 Oct 14 kicktraq bgg
Fruit Salad: The Multiple Games in One Game We will be creating a board game called Fruit Salad. This game comes with 8 different games perfect for all kind of players. // Has raised $4,301 of $7,064 so far. (~61%) 1 - 10 30 $25 / $143 Oct 14 kicktraq
Bots Up Build a bot, send it to battle and compete to be the last bot standing!Find out more at botsupgame.com // Has raised £15,831 of £3,500 so far. (~452%) ☑ 2 - 5 546 $20 / £29 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
Hogs Of War The Miniatures Game A 1-4 Player Tabletop Miniatures Game with Tech-Tree, Hidden Movement and Base-Building mechanics. Solo and Co-op Modes included! // Has raised £101,206 of £18,000 so far. (~562%) ☑ 1 - 4 1091 $88 / £93 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
Office Buzz The Drinking Game To Become The CEO // Has raised $6,553 of $5,000 so far. (~131%) ☑ 3+ 231 $18 / $28 Oct 15 kicktraq
Machina Arcana ~ To Eternity A dark and immersive experience awaits you and your group of explorers. Travel the unknown, face cosmic horrors and fight for survival! // Has raised $447,554 of $30,000 so far. (~1492%) ☑ 1 - 4 5682 $25 / $79 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg #expansion
Best Left Buried: Deeper A new version of the rules light fantasy horror roleplaying game, Best Left Buried. // Has raised £23,277 of £10,000 so far. (~233%) ☑ ? 447 $13 / £52 Oct 15 kicktraq #rpg
Night Parade of a Hundred Yokai Raise an army of supernatural beings to haunt the islands of Japan in this asymmetrical engine building game! // Has raised $51,323 of $10,000 so far. (~513%) ☑ 1 - 4 904 $50 / $57 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
10+ Game A Card Game for Players & Inventors // Has raised HK$104,132 of HK$46,500 so far. (~224%) ☑ 2 - 6 284 $24 / HK$367 Oct 15 kicktraq
Forgotten Depths A quick-playing but substantial experience of exploration and combat // Has raised $29,423 of $26,000 so far. (~113%) ☑ 1 - 3 994 $30 / $30 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg #take2
Mythalix: Chapter 1: Greek Mythology Gods and Titans clash in a new world.Battle opponents, control areas & build your deck in this light strategy board game. // Has raised £14,588 of £10,000 so far. (~146%) ☑ 2 - 4 316 $32 / £46 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
THE 7th CITADEL After The 7th Continent, explore the world of the Collapsing Lands! // Has raised €2,238,010 of €300,000 so far. (~746%) ☑ 1 - 4 27409 $81 / €82 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
Brick Logic: The Game A kid designed logic game that uses LEGO bricks. Great for pandemic fun. // Has raised $2,227 of $204 so far. (~1092%) ☑ 1+ 130 $12 / $17 Oct 15 kicktraq
Castaway Curse (Second Printing) The shipwreck adventure game, now available with international shipping! 2-6 players, 20 min/player. Ages 13+ // Has raised $1,748 of $1,000 so far. (~175%) ☑ 2 - 6 22 $100 / $79 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg #newedition
RUMSKI (Second Edition) A quick-thinking, rummy style, strategy card game // Has raised $2,904 of $3,500 so far. (~83%) 2 - 6 81 $13 / $36 Oct 15 kicktraq #take2
Set 🔥 Watch: Swords of the Coin ⚔️ The highly anticipated stand alone expansion to our acclaimed 1-4 player cooperative game, Set a Watch // Has raised $167,927 of $20,000 so far. (~840%) ☑ 1 - 4 3554 $28 / $47 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg #expansion
Ultimate Bestiary Miniatures A horde of miniatures for your tabletop adventures! Based on the best selling monster book; Revenge of the Horde! // Has raised $85,513 of $75,000 so far. (~114%) ☑ - 1229 $10 / $70 Oct 15 kicktraq #minis
What's The Point? - The Cactus Card Game What's The Point? is an exciting, family-friendly, and cacti-loaded card game! // Has raised $7,925 of $3,000 so far. (~264%) ☑ 2 - 6 156 $25 / $51 Oct 15 kicktraq
Lucky Luau Flower matching and lei making fun from beautiful Hawaii! // Has raised $5,204 of $4,000 so far. (~130%) ☑ 2 - 6 180 $15 / $29 Oct 15 kicktraq bgg
Choo Choo Game. The Choo Choo card game is a train building game for everyone. // Has raised A$761 of A$750 so far. (~101%) ☑ 2 - 12 19 $20 / A$40 Oct 15 kicktraq
Pets Gone Shady - Card Game A card game that lets you throw octopuses, deal with naked turtles and avoid hangry hamsters! // Has raised $25,190 of $12,500 so far. (~202%) ☑ 2 - 5 520 $20 / $48 Oct 16 kicktraq #newedition
Good vs Gooder Fun debates for funny people—a family-friendly party game celebrating the gooder things in life // Has raised $17,758 of $18,500 so far. (~96%) 3+ 209 $29 / $85 Oct 16 kicktraq
Dinosaur World and Dinosaur Island: Rawr 'n Write Dinosaur World and Dinosaur Island: Rawr 'n Write are two stand-alone games set in the Dinosaur Island Universe! // Has raised $642,373 of $25,000 so far. (~2569%) ☑ 2 - 4 7422 $30 / $87 Oct 16 kicktraq bgg
Brinkwood: The Blood of Tyrants A castlepunk Forged in the Dark roleplaying game. Mask up. Spill Blood. Drink the Rich. Join the discord! https://discord.gg/R72Endm // Has raised $48,598 of $10,000 so far. (~486%) ☑ ? 1644 $10 / $30 Oct 16 kicktraq #rpg
DOPPELT ODER NICHTS Ein Kartenspiel, bei dem niemand sicher ist. Du hast die Wahl, aber wenn du dich überschätzt, trifft es dich doppelt -ENGLISH AVAILABLE // Has raised €5,803 of €7,000 so far. (~83%) 4 - ? 115 $20 / €50 Oct 17 kicktraq
Escape Deathrace 2182 A pocket-sized table-top dungeon crawler that pits you against your friends (and aliens!) in a cosmic street race to save the galaxy! // Has raised $4,044 of $8,200 so far. (~49%) 1 - 4 45 $25 / $90 Oct 17 kicktraq bgg
Arms & Influence A political strategy card game, where you compete with neighboring nations to achieve world dominance. // Has raised $10,916 of $7,500 so far. (~146%) ☑ 3 - 4 215 $19 / $51 Oct 17 kicktraq bgg

New This Week

Project Info Players Backers Min / Avg Pledge Ends Comments
"Really Karen?" Party Board Game Live the life of a 'Karen' as you argue and complain around town with your friends in this hilarious party board game. // Has raised $2,715 of $10,000 so far. (~27%) 2 - 6 43 $30 / $63 Nov 06
13 Monsters: Armed to the Teeth - Battle expansion pack Supercharge your battles with 13 Monsters: Armed to the Teeth, the brand-new expansion pack for 13 Monsters: The game. // Has raised €1,558 of €6,500 so far. (~24%) 2 - 8 37 $30 / €42 Nov 05 bgg #expansion #reprint
Additive Drinking: The Card Game For Drinkers A fast paced and competitive drinking game. Influence your opponents drinking tasks to impossible levels using cards like +1, +4, x2. // Has raised $451 of $500 so far. (~90%) 2 teams 16 $12 / $28 Nov 02
Ambush Epic A semi-cooperative Dungeon game. Lead your hero to the creepy and darkest nook of the dungeon. // Has raised €14,570 of €25,000 so far. (~58%) 1 - 4 309 $42 / €47 Oct 29 bgg #take2
Animal Family A card game for the whole family. It matches animals in different family dynamics, which has rules for both ages 3 - 6 and 6 - 10. // Has raised $1 of $5,000 so far. (~0%) ? 1 $12 / $1 Dec 06
ANiMOZ - The trading card game of Australian animals The game changing conservation. Come be a Ranger! // Has raised A$12,836 of A$5,900 so far. (~218%) ☑ 1 - 4+ 198 $11 / A$65 Oct 31
Blood & Plunder: Raise the Black Golden age pirates join the world of Blood & Plunder as we move into the 18th century! // Has raised $220,954 of $120,000 so far. (~184%) ☑ 2 1133 $50 / $195 Nov 04 bgg #expansion #reprint
Bluffy pirates An extremely fun, highly competitive, strategic party game, suited for groups from 4 to 6 people. // Has raised €862 of €5,000 so far. (~17%) 4 - 6 25 $19 / €34 Oct 26
Card Bard A highly thematic card game where players take up the mantle of the bard! // Has raised $4,182 of $12,000 so far. (~35%) 2 - 4 70 $38 / $60 Nov 05 bgg
Cartographers Heroes + 3 Map Pack Expansions The stand-alone follow up to the critically acclaimed map-drawing game - Cartographers: A Roll Player Tale. // Has raised $218,516 of $20,000 so far. (~1093%) ☑ 1 - 100 4073 $22 / $54 Oct 23 bgg
Cooking Customers - Play Cards, Roll Dice & Don't Get Fired! Cooking Customers is a "stick it to your competition" card and dice game where you play cards, roll dice and try not to get fired! // Has raised $22 of $100 so far. (~22%) 2 - 10 3 $15 / $7 Oct 24 bgg #take2
Dice Command A semi-abstract tactical wargame for 2-4 players with dice action selection and engine building! // Has raised C$10169 of C$7000 so far. (~145%) ☑ 2 - 4 183 $35 / C$56 Nov 05
DICTATOR-Y LITTLE BITCH: A Cooperative Card/Board Game Team up with intelligent life forms from all over the Universe to resist the DICTATOR-Y LITTLE B!†₵Ħ before he totally Fµ₵кs the WORLD. // Has raised $1,357 of $13,000 so far. (~10%) 2 - 6 22 $34 / $62 Nov 02
Disciples - The Immoral Game of Cults and Consequences Start a cult! Perform ridiculous rituals, collect disciples and forget your morals in this fun global strategy tabletop game. // Has raised $2,653 of $3,333 so far. (~80%) 2 - 4 35 $38 / $76 Oct 30 bgg
Do You Realize How Much? An engaging, fun and surprising card game about our human footprint // Has raised €5,721 of €6,000 so far. (~95%) ? 145 $18 / €39 Nov 11
Dungeon Decorators A new tile-drafting light strategy game from the makers of The Red Dragon Inn! // Has raised $26,777 of $40,000 so far. (~67%) 2 - 4 476 $39 / $56 Oct 29 bgg
Dungeon Drop: Dropped Too Deep and Tavern Tales Prepare to drop deeper with an epic expansion to the premier "drop-style" tabletop game. Then complete your story with Tavern Tales! // Has raised $143,731 of $14,500 so far. (~991%) ☑ varies 2357 $16 / $61 Oct 29 bgg #expansion
Eternal Eight A Miniature War game with True 3D Castles and Villages! // Has raised $1,855 of $100,000 so far. (~2%) 1 - 4 19 $89 / $98 Nov 09
EvenQuads A new card deck, and five new games, featuring the biographies of women mathematicians through history. // Has raised $6,043 of $3,000 so far. (~201%) ☑ 1 - ? 146 $18 / $41 Nov 19
Fearsome Wilderness: the board game & miniatures collection a tabletop gaming experience crafted for gamers, hobbyists, and horror fans alike. // Has raised $17,390 of $10,000 so far. (~174%) ☑ 1 - 4 289 $49 / $60 Nov 05 bgg
Filibust! Party Card Game A party card game full of laughter; just don't let it out! You and your friends must keep a straight face saying your whacky lines. // Has raised $587 of $10,000 so far. (~6%) 3 - 8 10 $25 / $59 Dec 08
Frostpunk: The Board Game A city-survival game where heat means life and every decision comes at a cost. From the designers of Nemesis and This War of Mine: TBG. // Has raised €1,093,059 of €200,000 so far. (~547%) ☑ 1 - 4 9962 $89 / €110 Oct 28 bgg
Gun and Gun A fast-paced competitive card game featuring action-packed 1v1 duels and a two-deck draft system, brought to you straight from Japan. // Has raised $27,313 of $10,000 so far. (~273%) ☑ 2 438 $30 / $62 Oct 22 bgg
Herbaceous - Pocket Edition A new, compact version of Herbaceous that's just as relaxing and beautiful as the original // Has raised $18,466 of $4,500 so far. (~410%) ☑ 1 - 4 925 $15 / $20 Oct 19 bgg #newedition
Hey Doc, A adult party game for health care workers, students and anyone who finds bodily functions humerus! // Has raised $12,005 of $11,000 so far. (~109%) ☑ 3+ 269 $35 / $45 Nov 01 #take2 #lolwut
Hidden Society of the Gnomes: Great Invasion Gnomes are taking over the world! The invasion is inevitable! Will they succeed, or will the human race prevail? The choice is yours! // Has raised €222 of €60,000 so far. (~0%) 2 4 $47 / €56 Dec 08 #hmm
High Rise: The UltraPlastic Edition The tabletop board game about construction and corruption, now with gorgeous plastic buildings // Has raised $49,273 of $50,000 so far. (~99%) 1 - 4 706 $5 / $70 Oct 29 bgg #newedition #expansion
Jack Rabbit JAM: Battle Roulette A casino-style 1v1 game of strategy and luck, inspired by classic arcade fighters. // Has raised £83 of £777 so far. (~11%) 2 13 $10 / £6 Oct 28
Journey to Ecrya: A roleplay-driven board game Play as 1 of 8 unique heroes and embark on a dangerous journey through a rich fantasy landscape in this 2 to 4 players game. // Has raised €2,180 of €13,000 so far. (~17%) 2 - 4 53 $30 / €41 Nov 10 bgg
King of the West A quick Weird West area-control card game that fits in your pocket. Only $9! // Has raised $2,169 of $3,500 so far. (~62%) 2 - 9 86 $9 / $25 Nov 03 bgg
Mighty Armies: Invasion The dead have risen! The living must form armies as they combat the forces of foul necromancers. Welcome to Invasion. // Has raised $1,441 of $500 so far. (~288%) ☑ 2? 22 $10 / $66 Oct 18
MUD: A Political Card Game The dirty game of American elections. // Has raised $19,427 of $12,000 so far. (~162%) ☑ 2 - 6 394 $25 / $49 Nov 02 bgg
NOONGK - the future is already here! Harness the power of technologies and leverage them as a tool to achieve the sustainable development agenda. // Has raised €182 of €30,000 so far. (~1%) ? 5 $35 / €36 Nov 11 #hmm
Pocket Paragons 3-minute Asymmetrical Duel // Has raised $11,591 of $8,000 so far. (~145%) ☑ 2 214 $20 / $54 Nov 05 bgg
Prosperitea A simple and elegant card game about blending, selling, and trading loose leaf tea. From the studio that brought you Cantankerous Cats! // Has raised $3,714 of $20,000 so far. (~19%) 3 - 6 95 $29 / $39 Nov 02 bgg
Rainbow Unicorn Rescue Rainbow Unicorn Rescue is a true family board game; created by two young sisters and brought to life with a little help from dad. // Has raised $4,046 of $5,000 so far. (~81%) 2 - 4 56 $30 / $72 Nov 01
Random Fun Generator, Dice Games from Steve Jackson Games A collection of over twenty dice games from Steve Jackson Games! Use any existing six-sided dice, or play using our many custom dice!!! // Has raised $79,119 of $500 so far. (~15824%) ☑ varies 3166 $15 / $25 Oct 12
Rathskellers Modular Table : For Dining, Gaming & RPG's Rathskellers' 1st kickstarter project ! Presenting Sunnygeeks: A truly epic & modular table for Dining, Gaming & RPGs. // Has raised €269,740 of €100,000 so far. (~270%) ☑ - 231 $1182 / €1,168 Nov 12 #bling
Reputation: The Game of Fame A scandalous card game about your journey to superstardom. // Has raised A$1,155 of A$1,500 so far. (~77%) ? 25 $18 / A$46 Nov 02
ROTTEN MINIATURES MMXX Resin miniatures in dark fantasy style for players, collectors, and painters. // Has raised €4,486 of €2,500 so far. (~179%) ☑ - 79 $10 / €57 Nov 07 #minis
RPG Battles: The Card Game The easiest roleplaying, cards, and strategy game ever! Based on the mechanics of the Pathfinder RPG, without the complication. #TTRPG // Has raised $961 of $1,000 so far. (~96%) 2 - 6 31 $15 / $31 Nov 06 bgg
Sig: City of Blades Cosmopolitan Planar Fantasy, Forged in the Dark // Has raised C$15246 of C$10000 so far. (~152%) ☑ ? 354 $19 / C$43 Oct 30 #rpg
Solid Oak Dice Tower Evolution Dice tower / tray / storage combo // Has raised £1,605 of £400 so far. (~401%) ☑ - 26 $39 / £62 Oct 29 #bling
Spindlewheel A tarot-like interpretive storytelling game where you weave a story from card to card. // Has raised $19,970 of $5,000 so far. (~399%) ☑ ? 321 $35 / $62 Nov 07 #rpg
Studies in Sorcery Studies in Sorcery is an engine building and drafting game for 1-4 players about getting your master's degree in the dark arts. // Has raised $16,327 of $5,900 so far. (~277%) ☑ 1 - 4 545 $19 / $30 Oct 29 bgg
Takkure, a cyberpunk rugby game In a violent cyberpunk universe, the players take on the role of coaches to lead teams of 4 players. // Has raised €19,734 of €13,000 so far. (~152%) ☑ 2 282 $77 / €70 Oct 25 bgg
The Conquistadors A game simulating the Spanish conquest of the Americas from 1518-1548 // Has raised $6,373 of $2,500 so far. (~255%) ☑ 1 - 5 80 $64 / $80 Oct 27 bgg
The Sleepover A lightly horror themed family friendly co-op board game. Where you have to restore power to the house before the Boogeyman gets you. // Has raised $2,569 of $27,000 so far. (~10%) 2 - 6 32 $45 / $80 Nov 06
Time Vault Soccer - The football card game A 2 player starter pack and expansion for the original Time Vault Soccer "Debut" set - with added World Cup-ness. // Has raised £613 of £1,000 so far. (~61%) 2 - 6 14 $27 / £44 Nov 05 bgg #expansion #newedition
To The Moon And Back A fun and highly tactical board game where in up to six players compete against eachother as intergalactic parcel couriers. // Has raised €3,724 of €20,000 so far. (~19%) 2 - 6 68 $48 / €55 Nov 05
TorKings: The World's Greatest Strategic Alignment Game UNTAMED and UNLEASHED - The genre's EXTREME UPGRADE of gameplay and hardware is here. // Has raised A$38,686 of A$5,000 so far. (~774%) ☑ 2 - 6 406 $39 / A$95 Oct 27 bgg
Truth or lie, do you know your friends? The boardgame where you will have to discover if your friends are lying or telling the truth, with the most intimate questions // Has raised €322 of €2,200 so far. (~15%) ? 8 $24 / €40 Nov 03
Unforgiven: The Lincoln Assassination Trial Relive one of the most famous trials in US history--a tense, tabletop duel where you sway a jury & a nation for swift justice. // Has raised $22,177 of $7,999 so far. (~277%) ☑ 2 373 $29 / $59 Oct 31 bgg
WOKE UP! “There is no such thing as a single issue struggle"Audre Lorde (Black, Lesbian, Mother, Warrior) // Has raised £1 of £4,600 so far. (~0%) 2 - 6 1 $20 / £1 Nov 04
Yonder: A Fantasy Tabletop Roleplaying Game Refugees from a cataclysm venture into a magical land where they are transformed as they reveal their inner nature. // Has raised C$8192 of C$6000 so far. (~137%) ☑ ? 176 $19 / C$47 Nov 01 #rpg
You Don't Know Me: The Friendship Party Game Testing friendships since 2020. // Has raised C$2957 of C$8000 so far. (~37%) 3 - 6+ 36 $19 / C$82 Nov 05

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Footnotes

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Sloppy: Big Mama Gumball Machine and Captain Jack

There have numerous times in which I am amazed by what you, Dear Reader, finds funny about my normal life. My brain is a chaotic mess of constantly firing neurons, but I vividly recollect each story I have posted. I don't exactly put a great deal of time or effort into my stories. I simply let my fingers do the work. I find that I am more passionate about my military-related stories. There is a sentimental value that I hold very dear. By no means am I saying the other stories are not precious, but I am surprised when I read, "This is my favorite Sloppy story." Especially when I view the story as a "normal" day in the life of Sloppy.
I recently wrote "Sloppy: Learning to be Sloppy Circa 1998." There was an inquiry about the gumball machine in the comments. There were also a considerable amount of Direct Messages (DMs) demanding additional information related to the gumball machine. Again, I was very surprised because I viewed that story as nothing more than simple miscreant mischief. I suppose it was more of a "coming-of-age-story." I didn't understand the significance when I was younger. I didn't know these were the very first steps of my Fuckery career.
The scavenger hunts were everything but typical. They were truly epic events that were held on a weekly basis. The hunt lists were never the same, and the winning team was responsible for making the new list. We, of course, had our staple items such as: Garden Gnomes, Big Wheels, Wheel Chairs, and Road Kill. There was approximately twenty items that continually made the weekly list. Each item had an associated point value. Then there were the coupe de grace items. These items would typically change form week-to-week, were extremely difficult to acquire, but had an immense point value that almost certainly guaranteed victory. The gumball machine was one of them.
The Big Mama Giant Gumball Machine was one of the coupe de grace items. It was a mammoth prize that stood at six feet and seven inches tall (2 meters) and weighed 130 pounds (60 kg) empty. Midnight acquisitions was in order, and this particular Big Mama was definitely big, and anything but empty. I don't know gross weight of a fully stocked Big Mama, but I can tell you exactly how many Super Highly Intelligent Teenage Scoundrels (SHITS) it took to secure it. Six! It took every ounce of strength six SHITS had to load this monstrous prize.
Dear Reader, I know. I know what it's like to be let down, and I am about to let you down. "Borrowing" the Big Mama was actually quite easy. There is no real story regarding the acquisition. We simply backed a pickup truck to main entrance of Walmart, and loaded it up. We wobble-rolled the base of the machine out the main door, rested it on the bollards, and gently tipped it into the back of a truck. Then we drove off into the night with our spoils. Not a single soul questioned us, or looked twice.
We were SHITS Dear Reader, not fucking idiots. We had purchased cheap blue collared shirts, and khaki shorts from Walmart the day prior. The SHITS felt it was appropriate to give a little coinage to Walmart considering Walmart was about to be down exactly one gumball machine. It was also important of look uniformed. I know the suspense is killing you Dear Reader. Yes! We were the victors that particular week. People don't bother you if you a convincing in your duties. We were mentally there to remove a gumball machine, and our actions were clearly congruent. There was one minor problem though. How in the fuck do you return a gumball machine of that size without getting caught? Simply, you don't. It was one of the very few things we had acquired that was not returned.
Sunday Before Work (0430)
Sloppy Dad: Sloppy. SLOPPY!
OP: (Groggy) Yeah?
Sloppy Dad: WAKE UP. Get dressed, and then met me in the garage.
Sloppy puts shorts on and walks to garage.
Sloppy Dad: (Pointing) What the fuck, is THAT?
OP Brain: The old man is losing it!
OP: Looks like a gumball machine.
Sloppy Dad: (Not Happy) Well no fucking shit. I can see that. How did it get here?
OP: We put it here!
Sloppy Dad: (More Irritated) We?
OP: Yeah. The SHITS NAMES.
Sloppy Dad: Do you want to explain HOW you got it?
OP: I can but...
Sloppy Dad: I don't even want to know. You're grounded.
OP: (Sad Voice) Okay. I will take it somewhere else.
Sloppy Dad: No. No you wont. I am trying to quit smoking. I can use the gum.
There is still a Big Mama Giant Gumball Machine in my parents garage. It was out of gumballs around year five, and my father said it was the best piggy bank he has ever owned. I don't know what he did with the $1,500 in quarters though. I am happy the old man finally figured out how to refill it without breaking it too. We failed to ask Walmart for the keys when we acquired it, but I assume that would have been the demise of our endeavor.
"Wow. Sloppy, you finally did it. You finally wrote a story that absolutely bored me to death." I hear you dear reader, and I apologize. How about I rub some wasabi paste on your wrinkle-grommet and spice it up? I think we need to talk about Captain Jack. "Who the fuck is Captain Jack?" Dear Reader, I will explain. Captain Jack was the unattainable coupe de grace item. It was Mission Impossible and my team was on a three week skid, and we needed a "W" in the win column.
There was an old steamboat in the harbor of town, and Captain Jack was at the helm. My team of SHITS had hit brick wall-after-brick wall that night. The hunt clock was dwindling down, and we needed to throw an Hail Marry. It was our only chance, and we decided to attain the unattainable! We parked in the large parking lot. One SHITS remained on lookout, and three SHITS started our Mission Impossible.
Captain Jack was at the top, and getting to the top was one continuous circle walkway with exits at each deck of the ship. Captain Jack was on the third deck, and we had finally arrived with our bag of tools. Keep in mind, we were not sponsored by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) or MI6, and our bag of tools lacked sophistication. We had a hacksaw, two screw drivers, and a baseball bat. It certainly lacked sophistication, but these tools had faithfully served us in the past.
We admired Captain Jack for a couple seconds before we started to work. He had one hand on the helm, and one hand extended skywards semi-grasping a chain that dangled from the ceiling. Captain Jack had a grin on his face and he was begging for a ride in something a bit faster than a steamship. I immediately began to saw his left leg, and it was tedious. Captain Jack was wooden, and the hacksaw blade was not made for wood. It was like trying to cut a ribeye steak with a dildo.
Jamie: Dude. We need to hurry up. We only have an two hours left, and this is taking forever.
OP: I am going as fast as I can.
Jamie: Can we unscrew the legs?
OP: No. They're fucking bolted in.
Jeremy: Dude, we really need to hurry.
Twenty Minutes Later
OP: Got it.
Jamie: Yes. (Talking to Jeremy) We're good to go man.
OP: NO. We still have one leg.
Jamie: Fuck that!
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK
Jamie lacked patience. The "CRACK" was thunderous. Jamie pulled out the multi-tool, and started to hit home runs with a fucking baseball bat. The hits were deafening loud, but surprisingly didn't draw any attention to our quest. Dear Reader, have you ever failed to fully think something out? Ever develop a plan, and fail to calculate a couple factors? Captain Jack was about was one swing away from tumbling, and we had a catastrophic miscalculation.
Jeremy: (Looking at Sweaty Jamie) Dude. One more swing and we got this fucker.
Swing
CRACK
Captain Jack falling in slow motion!
HOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!
The ship was built in the 1930s. How many of you actually expected the horn to work? We certainly didn't. The ship bellowed a thunderous HONK, and our covert mission immediately transitioned into overt chaos. I believe this is a perfect time to explain that this ship is immediately adjacent to a casino, and there is always a law enforcement presence. The gig was up, and we were more fucked than Chasey Lain.
Jeremy 2 (Lookout): (Hysterically Laughing) What the fuck was that?
Jeremy: The fucking horn. Jamie hit his legs, and he feel into the fucking horn. We still good?
Jeremy 2: (More Laughing) Good? (More Laughing) NO. You are not good. The cops are coming now.
Jeremy: (Looking at Sloppy and Jamie) We are fucked. The cops are coming.
OP Brain: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
The cops were about to board the steamboat. The odd stairwell played to our benefit though. There was no immediate access to our location. We could visual see the bouncing flashlights making their way to our demise. It was a fucking gut punch. I knew my father would not handle this well, and I was absolutely petrified with the images I envisioned. Having a belt surgically removed from my ass cheeks was not an option. It was a perfect "What Would Sloppy Do" moment, and I knew I would get an irrationally rational response in a timely fashion.
Jamie: (Eyes Welling Up) We're fucked.
Cops: (Screaming from Second Level) YOU BOYS STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT.
OP: Fuck This. Give me Captain Jack
Jamie: For what?
OP: Just fucking give him too me.
Splash!
Captain Jack had just perform the best fucking belly-flop a wooden mannequin was capable of performing. It now looked like a dead body was floating in the harbor. The body didn't sink to the bottom, but I lacked the skills of Dexter. Then again, floating could be a good thing!?!
Jamie: What the fuck did you do that for?
OP: I am fucking jumping. They don't have jurisdiction across the river. JEREMY. JEREMY!
Jeremy: (Puzzled) What?
OP: Tell Jeremy to pick us up at LOCATION.
Jeremy: How the fuck are we going...
I assume he was going to finish with "get there" but I was too busy falling three stories into the river. It was time for them to either shit, or get off the pot. The cops were nearly approaching the entrance to the third floor. Jeremy and Jamie were already brothers and had bunk beds, but I doubted they had to desire to share bunks in jail.
SPLASH-SPLASH
They had decided to shit. The cops were puzzled. "Where do you think you're going?" was echoed from the third floor.
OP: Grab Captain Jack and doggy paddle.
Captain Jack was a perfect flotation device. We looked like three beavers with critically underdeveloped beaver brains just kicking our way outside of the harbor. It took no more than five minutes to evade the cops outside the harbor, and the fast moving current got us to our destination in approximately twenty minutes.
Jeremy 2: (Baffled. FUCKING BAFFLED) HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOW IN THE FUCK?
OP: We jumped. Now get down here and help us with this fucker.
We were sopping wet and wreaked of river, and minus a right foot, we had all of Captain Jack. Our ride to the drop-off location was glorious, and the defeated look on the faces of our opponent SHITS was gratifying. It was an epic evening, and an epic prize.
Sloppy Dad: Sloppy. SLOPPY.
OP: (Groggy) Yeah?
Sloppy Dad: GARAGE. NOW
In Garage
Sloppy Dad: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
OP: Captain Jack. Just something we borrowed last night!
Sloppy Dad: You better un-fucking-borrow it. TONIGHT.
OP: You don't want to keep it?
Sloppy Dad: If you plan on leaving the house this summer, this will be returned tonight. There is wood glue in the cabinet. We will be discussing this after you get off work, and you and the SHITS will un-fuck this TONIGHT.
My apologies for the lack of flair in the story. It's Monday, and it really feels like a Monday. We did return Captain Black. "It takes a village." I was just as scared of the other fathers as the SHITS were scared of mine. They knew his background, and Sloppy Dad was already a certified Fuck-Fuck master. There are just some animals you don't poke with a fucking stick, and Sloppy Dad is one of those animals. Captain Jack was returned, and we were all collectively punished. Our Travel Baseball team was good, and there were sizable crowds at each games. Has your dad ever showed up to your baseball game in a beautiful floral summer dress to cheer you and your friends on? My dad did, and so did the fathers of the other SHITS. Embarrassment was our punishment, and it fucking worked.
Sorry! I don't have pictures, and I don't think I would share them if I did. It would still be embarrassing for me, and I don't have time for that. I am just trying to hunt myself a laugh today. I think I will post another story today if I have time. I reminded myself of something during this story. It was a "Stand by Me" moment when we stumbled upon a dead humanoid, and the sheer Fuckery. I happen to think it is a pretty funny tale, but I will let you decide.
Cheers.
submitted by SloppyEyeScream to FuckeryUniveristy [link] [comments]

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10 Ways to Prank Unspeakable's House! *funny* - YouTube

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